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July 26, 2004 While my fellow citizens fret and frustrate over the liberal and conservative front runners in this election season, they are about to be blindsided by the kingdom of Monaco. Monaco is draining off gambling revenues that rightfully should be spent in this country for the support of this country. Make no mistake about it, Monaco and its royal family is the enemy. They hide behind the laws of sovereignty and obfuscate to the world community about the acquiring of what are rightfully American revenues. When you, the good people of this country elect me by writing my name in on every line of every ballot in ever state I will end this economic aggression that faces us. I will do it to protect you and to protect my new revenue stream as your supreme commander and I promise that if the world community will not fall in line I will do this unilaterally. There are those in the world community who are being enriched by the kingdom, for example them that supply caviar and crumpets for the gamblers who should be here; here in this land quaffing beer and hot dogs, good American beer and good American hot dogs full of pig lips and calf brains. It is these industries, fine flag waving patriotic industries that need the full defense and support and might of the military. After all with what we pay the military it is their families that eat a majority of hot dogs and drink Schlitz beer. We need to keep these products affordable for them. Monaco is destroying their ability to have what they require for meat and sustenance in their diets. As the leader of the Loadofcrap (still not an acronym) Party, a strictly exclusionary inclusive, Liberal Conservative Left Right and Center organization I vow that the kingdom and its brutal dictator, will not be left to continue to destroy the American right to more gambling revenues. I will free the peasants of Monaco from their medieval housing and narrow streets, I will free them from the torturous ruin imposed on them by the royal family as it increases its own wealth on the backs of the oppressed people who are too tired and weak from lack of hot dogs and American beer to fight this evil on their own. MONACO MUST GO!! My daddy died in 1983, I am sure that he was the target of the Dictator of Monaco, we are not going to war against Monaco for the death of my daddy, but rather because he never got to participate in American Gambling because he could not afford a ticket to the American Mecca; Vegas. Why couldn’t he afford a ticket? Because Monaco had expanded its share of gambling revenues which led to higher taxes in this country which my daddy had to pay, tax money which he could have used to increase the wealth of the old American kings, the Dons. Monies which would have at least kept the revenue stream here. The Dons may not have paid much in the way of taxes but at least they drove Cadillac’s and ate in American restaurants; which is more than can be said for the Monacoan royals, those despots. Be not blinded by the glitter of Monaco my fellow citizens, lust not after the wealth of that nation but know that in the righteous anger for the attack against my daddy we will have it all and that country once re-established in the middle of Europe as a bastion of hot dog eating and Schlitz drinking the rest of that continent will have no other choice but to fall in line. Imagine what the revenue stream not only to this candidate but to the American people will be when we topple this regime in Monaco. By goodness there will be Quarter Jackpots for a nickel, Dollar size wins for a quarter and every citizen will fill the tank of their wallet at our new casino’s and lottery terminals after we co-opt the Monaco revenue stream. We can’t lose! Unless of course you fail me, you fail me by forgetting that magic voting instrument, your pen, the pen you will use to write in the name of Mark C. Durfee. I have heard rumors that both of the major party candidates have secretly agreed that no writing instruments of any kind will be made available at any polling place. That great is their fear of me and the Load of Craps. So bring two pens when you go to vote and be prepared to share them, share them with your neighbor who also wishes to be free from them who would keep outsiders off the ballot and be prepared to leave the pens behind, it is but little loss for the freedoms I promise; first for myself and then you. Let us take this nation back from the pedagogues of Harvard and Yale snobbery. Let us show them that I, and you, whose daddies could not afford the tuition that the institutions graduates daddies did. Graduates, who are skulling and boning us to death, show them that we want freedom not only for ourselves but for our brothers who are suffering the oppression of the Monaco’s. VOTE LOAD OF CRAP! And I will free the Monaco revenue stream for my own use which will benefit you…somehow or another. Uhhh…and thank you. ------------ About the author: Mark C. Durfee is an independent conservative liberal hedonist Christian Bhuddist deveotee of Krishna who follows no crowds and who thinks that the Viagra commercial with Freddy Mercury singing while a bunch of men dance is funny. His novels are nothing like his articles and they cannot be found at Barnes and Noble or Walden books, Amazon.com or your local independent bookstore because he has not been discovered. His favorite saying is "Duck!!! That drive-by may have your name on it!" Email: mcd5255@hotmail.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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