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July 23, 2004 As the candidate for the LCLRaCP party running on a shoestring and the good offices of this website I have determined that unlike the other candidates (soon to be also rans) that you should know what exactly the Liberal Conservative Left Right and Center Party stands for. You would think that by being the only member of this party that nailing together all of the planks into a platform would be an easy thing. I assure you it is not. Some of the planks are very heavy and lifting them alone is a tiresome task, even though I am well prepared for it after a lifetime of bull work. Now that is not bull poo-poo work but rather actual physical labor, something the other candidates as professional politicians have little or no experience in. I, not being a professional Pol, have had to actually work to put food on the table. Which leads me to my first plank, I promise that after you write me in for every office on your ballot that I will never work again and will work to pass ordinances and laws that say “every politician (except yours truly) will have to show that they actually did something other than feed at the public trough. If not they will be required to get a part time job pushing shopping carts in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Part time work is appropriate because in a ton of cases that is what the average citizen is trying to feed their families on. The full time salary of the part time working legislators will be returned to the general fund. If half salary is good enough for you it will surely be good enough for them, eh? I am a veteran of the United States Navy, I enlisted at the age of seventeen and spent months at sea. This leads to my second plank that says all veterans will be received when they return to these shores by a receiving line of them that sent them in harms way. The politicians who have never been in the military or who served their military time being politicians as opposed to say being fighter pilots will be required to be at the end of the line where they will ask if they may carry the veteran’s bags. After that I will continue the current government policy of either ignoring the veterans or making their benefits so hard to acquire they will give up trying to get them. This after all is a wise policy because we don’t want the veterans to take up so much public money that there is none left for the study of the mating habits of the common barn cat. As your LCLRaCP candidate I pledge a society of exclusion. There will be no gay marriage nor will there be heterosexual marriages. No one will be allowed to marry and them already married will have their unions dissolved, all will be excluded. If you can’t share your toys and civil rights then there will be none for anyone. This includes “civil unions.” “Civil Union” is a marriage between words and meaning; different words, same meaning. Furthermore whatever benefits bestowed by the now dissolved unions will be dissolved also, if there is not good will enough for all, then there is no good will for any. This is harsh but we seem never to have learned to play nice so daddy has to take it all away. This is fair, none for all and all for none (but more for me). Think about it. Also in this plank driven platform and while I am thinking about it, after I sell myself to the highest lobbyist, the one willing to confer on me all the wealth of Babylon and the Seven Kingdoms, which I fully expect to be elected to as the write in candidate, I promise to pass laws that disband all forms of lobbying. Except the kind that happens on a Saturday night in the foyer of a movie theatre. After all now that there is no more marriage or “civil union” people will need a place to congregate. All laws against any kind of sexual congress between consenting adults will be expunged from the books. This will be a better congress than the one which has its way with you, without your consent, the one that will be replaced when you write me in for every office on every line of your ballot. As the newly elected representative of all of you out there who pine for freedom and long for the old days when you worked and still had time enough to enjoy the life you worked for I promise that all companies who first sent your well paying middle class jobs to Mexico and then to Asia will either bring them back en-masse or use their entire corporate pre-tax profit to re-build the infrastructure of this country. This will free up tax dollars which can then be returned to you. The stock holders of those companies who profited by the importation of your jobs will be allowed a new return. That return will be the satisfaction in knowing that you are not killing yourself pushing shopping carts in the Wal-Mart parking lot for minimum wage and part time hours. The before stated war against the kingdom of Monaco will be prosecuted to the fullest. As you know the kingdom is encroaching on our national gambling revenues by having casinos. This is an unfair and unwelcome intrusion into the national psyche and pocket book, this kingdom of Monaco must be defeated to preserve our way of life. There fore any politician who has not served in the military or who is not currently employed as a Wal-Mart shopping cart pusher must be drafted to the military. If they can not fight their way to victory they can talk the opposing forces to death. Boredom sometimes is stronger than a bullet. As your candidate in the LCLRaCP (load of crap party-still not an acronym but hey it is appropriate for the political scene), I want to thank you first for all of the suggestions that I have timbered in to planks for the platform and secondly for your vote as the true thinking peoples of the world. In future days I will add steps and railings to this platform which will allow it to rise above the other mediocre, less forthcoming, persons in this race. In conclusion I ask that you write them many, many…many letters asking them to debate me. I think they are scared of this platform and want the whole movement of this exclusionary inclusive party to just go away. Thank You Peace ------------ About the author Mark C. Durfee: 49...stopped doing what I was doing before to become an unpublished, unemployed writer. Any interested agent or publisher can contact me at the addy listed. I have four manuscripts complete and two more underway. I am willing to listen to proposals. Email: mcd5255@hotmail.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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