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July 14, 2004 I used to think that the VCR was one of the greatest inventions of the twentieth century. What a wonderful piece of equipment! It could do so much for you! Through the miracle of the VCR hook-up, you could rent movies and watch them on your own TV. And, unlike being in a movie theatre, you were in charge of the film. You could even pause the movie and make a bathroom run or get that leftover Chinese food from the fridge. The VCR would “wait” for you to return and push the play button. You could rewind the movie to watch favorite scenes or to catch missed dialogue. You could fast-forward it through endless credits and get to a part that was really important to you: you know what I mean, something like the animal disclaimer, the name of the catering crew or the head painter. (Hey, these things are important to some of us.) It was nice being in charge. But the best thing of all about the VCR was the record button! Talk about a sanity saver! If by chance you were not going to be home on a specific night and you had a favorite show you didn’t want to miss, no problem: set the VCR: day, date, time and record it. No more rushing home to watch your show or making your significant other miserable when you were out because you were missing an important program. Too tired to stay awake for a certain show you absolutely had to see? With the record button pressed, you could relax, let it record, and then watch the show at your leisure. You could also fast-forward through time-consuming commercials. The VCR freed you to actually live your life. You were no longer planning your day or night around a TV schedule. It changed your life for the better. Recording shows when you’re not home or too tired to stay awake was great but there was something even greater your VCR could do for you. If you were home and there were two shows on at the same time that you wanted to watch, you could record one while you watched the other! Fantastic! In the not-too-distant pre-VCR past, the only way you could solve the problem of two shows on at the same time was to watch one show and try to catch the other during re-runs. Now, with the magical VCR, you could watch one program while the VCR recorded the other! This machine was worth its weight in gold! Okay, fast-forward (no pun intended) a few months. You love, absolutely love, your VCR, but you are starting to see that a single VCR has limitations. It can only record one show at a time. You, however, have three shows that are on at the same time, on the same night, one you can watch, but two which have to be recorded. Okay, so what do you do? What do you DO? You get another VCR. That’s right. Right away if not sooner. Your original one now has a relative moving into your house, albeit a newer, more modern version. But, hey, you need it. There are shows that you need to watch. About the word need: you have to be very careful of that word. That need might lead you to do something drastic. You might, as did my husband, Alan, go out and buy a third VCR. After all, he reasoned, we really needed it to record more shows and, because, gasp! the newest versions had, DVD. We could record in DVD, we could rent the “superior quality” DVD movies with commentary by directors and actors, there seemed to be no end to what we could do with this newest version. Oh, bless the VCRs, every one of them! They seemed too good to be true. And just like anything else in life that seems too good to be true you know what will eventually happen: DIASTER. The VCRs and their cousin the VCR/DVD, eventually exacted a toll on us for our greediness to record. That toll was called, “Omigod, I recorded so many shows, when will I have the time to watch all this stuff ?” It was the Curse of the VCRs. Remember how I sang the praises of this wonderful recording device, how I said it would change everything for the better, how it would give you back your life, not to mention saving your relationships? Remember how I said all this? Caught in the throes of a new invention, oh, how naïve I was! My life, my sanity, my relationship with my husband, all had changed, but not necessarily for the better. The “innocent” VCR had become an insidious trap. There were so many shows recorded by the three machines in our house that the freedom once promised to us by the VCRs had backfired and made us virtual prisoners to recorded shows. Let me give you an example of how a typical week was in our house, beginning with Sunday night. The VCRs are buzzing as we record three shows that are on at eight o’clock, two shows that are on at nine o’clock, (one of them runs two hours), and two shows that are on at ten o’clock. That’s seven shows that we record, six one hour shows and one two hour show. Okay. This is not to mention the two and one half hour movie that we’ve been waiting months to see, that is on at the ungodly hour of two-thirty A.M.. So now we have seven shows and one movie to watch at our leisure. But wait, it gets more complicated. The next day, Monday, there are more shows to record, but we are only able to use two of the VCRs because we are using one of the VCRs to watch two of the shows that were recorded on Sunday. On Monday there are four shows that we record, two one hour favorite ones and two new half hour shows that our friends are raving about and asking us to watch. If we start watching Sunday’s shows at four o’clock in the afternoon, we should be able to watch the six one hour shows in less than five hours because we can zip right through commercials thus bringing us to nine o’clock PM. If we’re lucky we’ll be able to maybe watch one hour of the two hour show before we totally zonk out. Then on Tuesday we can watch the rest of the two hour show before attempting to watch the two one hour favorite shows and the two half hour new shows recommended by our friends! I think we’re set when I suddenly remember the movie we recorded! That’s an additional two and one half “no-zipping-through-commercials-because- there-are-none” hours! Okay, don’t panic. There must be a way we can watch everything we have recorded. We can watch the movie in “spurts!” That is, when we’re done with watching one hour of the two hour show recorded on Sunday, (stay with me here), we can watch maybe fifteen minutes of the movie, also recorded on Sunday, and then watch one of the two one hour favorite shows recorded on Monday! This was pretty much how our weeks were spent, scheduling our nights around watching recorded shows, recording other shows, and watching some things in “spurts.” It got to the point where we were watching so many different shows that we began to confuse the characters and plotlines. I asked my husband what the character played by Charlotte Ross on “NYPD BLUE” had said to Sam Waterson’s character…..on “Law and Order!” And he asked me how the character of Sydney Bristow from “Alias” had done in her court case on “The Practice!” And the CSI shows? Omigod! Forget it. We totally screwed up those characters and plotlines. There were other problems too. For example, if one of us wasn’t going to be home until after the four o’clock “show-watching” deadline, dare the one who was home on time watch some of the shows…..alone? No way! That would cause irreparable damage to the relationship. (What do you mean you already watched this one? Without me? Hey, do you think that’s fair!?) Watching a recorded show alone was tantamount to cheating on your spouse, it was that serious. Then there was the matter of a social life or lack thereof. We hadn’t been out of the house, except for absolute necessities like working, in months. Even phone calls were ignored when we were in the feeding frenzy of trying to keep up to date with all the recorded shows. Let the voice-mail pick up, we’re busy! Remember that word DIASTER? It all came to a head one Friday evening in April. Both of us had come home late, I because of a writing deadline, he, because of a last minute meeting. It was after six and we were in the process of juggling VCRs when we realized an awful fact: we didn’t have enough VCRs for what we needed! All three were going to be used to record shows that night. Not one was available for us to able to watch what we had already recorded! What were we going to do? We had a schedule to keep! Our first thought was to run right out and buy yet another VCR. It was hard to resist. After all, we reasoned, the tech store was only a couple of miles from our house; we could get there and back in an hour if we hurried. After a quick debate, (we really do need it, don’t we, honey? There is that schedule to keep, after all), we were actually on our way to the front door when the doorbell rang. Standing on our doorstep was someone who looked vaguely familiar to us. He said he was a good friend of ours and that he and his wife wanted to know if we were free for dinner. “It’s such a nice Spring night, we thought it would be great to go out together. We tried calling you several times but you two don’t answer your phone or get back to us when we leave a message. We thought we’d just try our luck and stop by to see if we could catch you at home. We haven’t seen you in quite some time, what’ve you been doing with yourselves?” Before we could answer one of the VCRs clicked on and, like a pair of zombies, Alan and I glanced at the TV. Our friend and his wife looked at each other and said, “Oh,” but that “Oh” had a world of meaning behind it. They came in, closed the door, and gently lead us to the couch. Over the next hour they told us their own story of having been caught in the Curse of the VCRs. As we listened to them talk, I understood what it must be like for addicts attending a meeting for the first time. You find out there are others out there like you. You’re not alone. They explained that recording and watching all the shows was like a drug. It gave you power and pleasure but it enacted a price. You couldn’t stop. It took over your life. O-my-gosh, I thought, they were so right! It was amazing. Alan and I had tears in our eyes. It was liberating to be able to talk with people who had lived with the same problem we had. They had been able to walk away from this “record and watch” addiction with their sanity and marriage still intact. There was hope for us. They convinced us to go out with them and, over dinner, they told us what we had to do to break away from our addiction. We would have to work at being free from the VCR, work at it every day and night! The temptation would always be there. In time, and with a lot of effort, it would get easier, but we had to be vigilant. We had to promise to record no more than one show a night and to drop our “schedule” of show watching. If we got to watch all of them fine, if not, too bad. We had to be free from the clutches of these life-consuming machines. That was a month ago. It’s been hard to adjust but there have been little victories. We’re starting to go out socially again and we now answer our phones. Like our friends said, it’s a day-to-day thing. We have to be vigilant against the temptation to become enslaved by the VCRs again. Some day I would like to start a group to help people like us who battle the Curse of the VCRs, but I know I’m not ready. I hate to admit it, but my vigilance slipped. Last night, while my husband was sleeping, I recorded a new show even though we haven’t watched the ones we already recorded. I was thinking that maybe I could “sneak it in” tomorrow when Alan takes his car for a tune-up. He’ll be gone for at least a couple of hours and I’ll be alone with the VCR. He doesn’t have to know a thing about it. ------------ About the author Kristen Houghton: Working on a book of short stories, I write a column, "The Writer's Block" on observations of everyday life and a column for educators called iTeach! Email: Krisnalan@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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