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July 4, 2004 I am not running for anything but just for that reason you should vote for me. Write my name in. I am a pedestrian American with no other interest than to keep my own kith and kin together. I think that maybe by being honest about it and dropping any pretense at a “desire for public service” I actually become the one thing that seems to be missing, an honest candidate. It seems that from the local level to the national level that what our politicians really want is the easily acquired pension and life time perks. Perks like life long medical benefits and having everyone forevermore address them by their former elected title. “Senator Whomever or Congressman Who or even that holiest of grails “Mr./Madam President” With that last one you don’t even need a name after the honorific, I lust after that. Even them elected to a local office want to be addressed as “Councilman or Commissioner Someone or Other” for the rest of their lives. Well me too, I want a title more than Mister, which is only used by them who want something from me. I want a lofty title that designates me who wants something from you and your willingness to give it…Vote for me! For no other reason than I want the lifetime title and the perks that go with it. I want you all to put me into office, any office it doesn’t matter which because like so many of our current crop of politicians I am qualified for none of them. How many times has it been said of an elected politician “I wouldn’t vote for him for dog catcher much less…” Well if you had known up front just what type of office holder the candidate would have been would you have voted for them? I think not. Yet by being honest and telling you of my self satisfying intent up front that alone, that honesty, should be worth your vote. At least by voting for me it will avoid involving a bunch of crusty old men and women on the Supreme Court from having to decide between one dissembler and another. But here I am telling you the truth; I will sell myself to the highest bidder. I will allow them with vested interest in specific legislation to wine, dine and then have my vote for the price of fifty yard line Super Bowl tickets. Not only will they sleep in a good bedroom of my government supplied mansion, they can have the bed as a memento if the contribution is high enough. When you give me your vote I promise you that I will un-abashedly seek every and all forms of self promotion, finding ways to become a multi- millionaire on a salary of less than one hundred and fifty thousand a year. I also promise that I will only use my first term to do this because that may be all the terms I have. After all as a United States Congressman it only takes one term to secure a pension and life time health benefits, it shouldn’t take more than that to acquire a paltry million dollars to support me while I am collecting that benefit. If you elect me to any office I will promise to remember those whose level of giving was…uhhh… shall we say more than generous? I will give you a title of Super Scout and allow you to recruit your friends into the Super Scout program and they too will be allowed to recruit more Super Scouts. This program will go on and on until every good and true American can look at one another and say; “Good Job Super Scout! Now we have a voice in the halls of power.” Except by the time most, if not all Americans can say that; I will have recruited some of the most elite Super Scouts; those who have raised more than a sparse tens of thousands of dollars, to become Extra Super, Super Scouts. I will be forced then to limit access to my time to them who are ESSS’. As I have been writing this plea for your vote I have been hit with a blinding flash of inspiration. If you vote for me as a write in candidate on every line for every office on your ballot then I am sure to be elected to something, and then after you have put me in that office, you the good people of America who have been hungering for an honest politician will finally be able to say “We’ve done it by God, we’ve put an honest man in office.” ------------ About the author Mark C. Durfee: 49...stopped doing what I was doing before to become an unpublished, unemployed writer. Any interested agent or publisher can contact me at the addy listed. I have four manuscripts complete and two more underway. I am willing to listen to proposals. Email: mcd5255@hotmail.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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