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Aug 30, 2004 I grew up in an Italian-American neighborhood that I called “white-bread Italiana” because, some of our parents, the children of immigrants, had experienced such harsh prejudice in school and in the workplace, that they felt the best way for their own children to succeed was to make them as American as, well, white bread. To achieve this goal, very little Italian was spoken in our homes, indeed in high school we were encouraged to “take French” as a course because it was an “upper class” language. Holidays had a non-ethnic flavor, and even food became as American as apple pie: bland white bread was substituted for the crunchy delicious Italian bread. When we did use Italian bread on Sundays, it was called “French” bread.We were of Italian descent, but finely polished with the veneer of the Anglo-Saxon. To be sure there were some traditions to which we had to adhere, but only because of our grandparents: the fish-only, “poor meal” on Christmas Eve served with the traditional aglio ed olio ( garlic and olive oil) with anchovies over angel hair pasta. The Italian devotion to Our Lady through Monday night novenas conducted in Latin at the Church of Saint Rocco. Large meals on Sundays with a huge group of relatives. But as the grandparents passed on, even these few traditions were some how laid by the wayside. Our parents in that little neighborhood, made a sacrifice of heritage because they felt it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t. My friends and I missed out on a lot. We were native born Americans and loved our country, but we should have been able to celebrate the rich culture and traditions of our heritage without being made to feel it made us less American. Heritage and tradition define us, make us aware of who we really are and gives us a connection with the ancient past. Honoring this should be our right. As I made my way through university, I became interested not only in my own neglected heritage but also in the various cultures and traditions of the world. I was fortunate to meet and marry a man who was as interested in other cultures as I. My husband and I have a widely diverse group of friends of various cultures whom we love as part of our extended family. No two are alike, yet we all gel together as Americans while we celebrate each other’s cultures. Thus it was with absolute joy that my husband, Alan, and I attended the wedding of very dear friends, Pauline and Eldo, who had decided to incorporate their vastly different cultures and, two sects of Christianity, into a beautiful ceremony and reception. The bride is Irish- Italian descent and Roman Catholic.The groom is from India and is Portuguese Indian Orthodox Christian. The blending of their backgrounds and traditions was a lush cultural experience. The ceremony joining these two young people was held in the bride’s church with both a Roman Catholic deacon, and a priest from the Portuguese Orthodox Church, officiating. Each guest attending the wedding was given a booklet describing every part of the ceremony. American tradition and prayer was beautifully augmented by the chanting of the Orthodox Indian choir and the cultural roles enacted by the bride and groom as they pledged themselves in love and union. One of the most touching parts of the service was the Tying of the Thali, which is an ancient Indian custom adopted by the Orthodox Church of today. The Thali is a golden leaf, ( in the modern church it is engraved with a cross), which is tied around the bride’s neck by the groom symbolizing the eternal and inseparable bond between husband and wife. It is always tied with seven strands taken from the Manthrakodi, or bridal sari. During the service the bride, Pauline, who wore a traditional Western white gown and veil, was “veiled,” in the Eastern fashion, with a lovely maroon and gold sari held over her white headpiece by the groom’s sister. This part of the service, called the Veiling of the Manthrakodi, signifies the woman’s devotion to the man and his commitment to protect and care for her. The positioning of a female family member standing behind the bride and holding the Manthrakodi, illustrates the bride’s entrance into the groom’s family. The reception brought more blending of the cultures, this time in the attire of the guests and the food. While all the men present were dressed in elegant suits and ties, the women from the groom’s side dressed in brightly colored saris while those from the bride’s wore softly muted evening dresses or tailored suits. And the feast of foods at the cocktail hour and formal reception! It was a wonderful blend of the spicy Indian cuisine nicely accompanied by the familiar Western fare. The mingling of the guests made us feel we were somehow transported to the stage of an exotic movie set. The combination of languages and dialects spoken made the conversations become a symphony similar to the blending of the violins and woodwinds of a classical orchestra. The reception had all the usual things we have come to expect in America, the cutting of the cake, bride feeds groom, groom feeds bride, the parents’ dance, all sweet and fun, but the loveliest part of the evening occurred in the last half hour. The bride disappeared, along with the groom’s female relatives for a few minutes. When she returned, this beautiful blue-eyed woman was arrayed in a stunning maroon and gold sari. So did she honor her new husband’s family. Both families then got in a circle, and ended the night by dancing to that very American song, “We Are Family.” While each one embraced the other’s traditions, neither lost anything of their own culture; rather they enhanced and enriched both. We need not choose one culture over the other, need not give up one heritage and tradition in order to make us acceptable to another. We need the security of our varied traditional cultures to give our lives a sure knowledge that we belong to a specific origin. By embracing our own cultures we can then learn to admire and respect those of others. Perhaps America should not be classified as a “melting pot” a description which conjures up a mixing of foods that blend into each other without holding on to their own distinct flavors. Rather, let America be compared to a feast of various foods standing alone in their beautiful uniqueness and tastes, but united, to create an abundant table of delights, each flavor complementing the others. Culture and traditions do not need to be forgotten in an effort to “fit in.” We can be a group of very diverse individuals sitting at this American table, unique in our own heritage, Americans all, complementing one another. It works for good food, it can work for people as well. ------------ About the author Kristen Houghton: Working on a book of short stories, I write a column, "The Writer's Block" on observations of everyday life and a column for educators called iTeach! Email: Krisnalan@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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