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Aug 28, 2004 Dear Mr. John Kerry: I realize you don't know me, but I have been doing an unofficial poll from articles I've read on a website I also write for. I will not name names to protect the innocent. I'm not sure from what, but I think it's a good idea. I'd like to offer my services. First of all, I have a Bachelor's degree in English from McKendree College. I'm sure you've heard of it. It has been listed the last several years in the top 100 best buys in higher education by a national magazine. I am proud of being alumni. Therefore, I feel I can add a little punch to your speeches. Second, at the time I was a student I had a little time on stage. I was in a Shakespeare reader's theater (theatre if you prefer British). I think you could use a little help with projection. It seems you like to yell at people while giving speeches. I suggest grunts like this in the military, but civilians don't much like it. Speak from the diaphram, or use the mike (that's the little foam thingy on the metal pole with the wires, ask your running mate). Having won a speeh contest with the VFW while in high school (That's Veterans of Foreign Wars for those in Rio Linda, or West Palm Beach co. Fl.) I know something about speeches. If you want to win over your audience you have to have your facts and your story straight. Did you did, or did you didn't do what you said, or didn't say you did, or didn't (Am I the only one getting dizzy here?) Tell it straight, or not at all. My Momma said (I'm gonna borrow from Forrest Gump here so you can understand) if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I suggest that can be useful advice. Mr. Bush has been real nice to you. He has bent over backwards to try to accommodate you in denouncing certain ads and was that enough? Nooooooo! That wasn't enough for you, was it? Sorry, John Baluchi took over (I don't know how to spell Baluchi, you know, Saturday Night Live? Worked with Dan Achroyd?). Are you sure that wasn't you in "Animal House" as Neidemeyer the ROTC dork? It sure looked like it could have been. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. It might also help to develop a little personality. I know you think you have one, but it's only good for someone French. I have heard you discribed as French looking. I guess it could be the botox, but at least learn to smile. Anyway, the personality? I can't help much on that. I have one, but everyone has a little different style. Thanks for your time. Lee Zelhart (Oh, and don't call us, we'll call you). ------------ About the author: Lee Zelhart is a proud graduate of McKendree College in Lebanon, Illinois. He is the widowed father of two teens and the prospective author of a soon to be published book called:The Ghost of the Cavalier. Sometime in summer 2005, or before. Email: graphicsdoctor1@sbcglobal.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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