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Aug 27, 2004 Alright people, listen up: MOVE! I recently visited the National Aquarium in Baltimore. I took my children. I thought they would enjoy it and I would have a relaxing learning experience. Instead, by the time I was done, I wanted to climb the nearest clock tower and throw some lead. Why is it that my family can get through touring these places, seeing everything, in an hour, but other people take all day? 'Hey lady, its just a fish! Move it, will ya!' What is it with these people? What is so damn facinating that you have to stand there for twenty minutes staring into the glass, holding up the line, preventing anyone else from seeing whatever it is that's got you locked there? Haven't you ever left the house before? Don't you own a TV? The answer to eternal life is not swimming around the stupid tank. There should be a thirty-second limit for every exhibit. If your flabergasted brain won't let you peel yourself away from the glass within thirty seconds, a 250lb bouncer slaps the side of your head. How come everywhere I go, these people show up just to annoy me? They Ooo and Aah at everything and gawk as if that silly statue was the Holy Grail. They spend hours clogging up walkways posing for photos no one will ever want to see. How did they know I was going to the zoo today? How is it they always want to visit the same places I go? I've been married ten years and my wife and I don't share a single interest. YET, the clone of the stooge that irritated me into homicidal fantasy at the aquarium is now touring the Gettysburg Battlefield the same day I am? Did somebody call ahead and order him? Does it have something to do with paying admission? Are these people so cheap they have to suck up everyone's view? What does it take to get them to just move faster and save their brainless comments for when they're away from real people and they can drone on without making us want to kill them. I can't figure out how they can be gripped, more like paralized, by some object or animal five-hundred million people have seen on TV. My four-year-old won't spend more than five seconds on any one thing. These zombies can stare at a wooden plaque commemorating a two-hundred year old stool sample for 45 minutes. King Louis's severed head shouldn't keep your attention more than two minutes, get out of the way! The very hand of God isn't that friggin facinating, MOVE IT! To add to the fun, they always travel in large groups. That way they can better prevent anyone from getting past them or moving at all. You know, the huge families that pull in to your favorite diner at 6:00 on a Friday and complain about the two-hour wait for a table. Or they show up at 4:00 and hog up five tables so no one else can eat. There should be a legal limit on the number of imbeciles that can travel together. The police should shoot any excess members. They stand around unable to decide where to eat or what to ride or who to get in front of next so they can ruin my vacation. All the while taking up the entire sidewalk and jabbering about the heat. If I put my kid on my shoulders so she doesn't interfere with anyone's progress, the security tells me to put her down. BUT, no one says a thing to the redneck trash and their nineteen unruly brats who are blocking every exhibit! If I say anything, I'm the rude one. We should boycott every tourist hole in the country until we have a new set of rules... There, I'm done. ------------ About the author Robert Mcgeary: I'm a part-time writer and a full-time cop. I'd rather be a full-time writer. I don't have a web site but I do have a book on Amazon.com, ROAD DOGS. It's police fiction based on real stuff. It'll make you cry, it'll make you mad, it'll make you laugh, you'll love it. I'm currently shopping for agents for my new projects. Email: hysea@suscom.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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