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Aug 22, 2004 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 23 years old. Actually, I was diagnosed at twenty, but refused the diagnosis and refused all medication. But at 23, I decided, after a really rough depression, in which I tried to convince my mother to take custody of my beloved son, that it was time to talk about some sort of medication. My doctor a the time, a nice, understanding, doctor by the name of Donvovan, prescribed me Depakote, an anti-psychotic that alot of physicain's are using in lieu of the conventional lithium carbonate. I was on 250mg twice a day. It didn't work. Dr. Donovan left the practice by the time I went back to explain that the manics and depressives were still coming full force and I needed to try something else. The genius doctor who I saw prescribed 900mg of lithium carbonate. That's 300mg, three times daily. About a week after starting the lithium regimend, I began to become spaced-out and lethargic. My father compared me to drugged out greats like Jerry Garcia and Ozzy Osbourne. I shook alot and began to forget alot of the things I was doing and where I was going. I actually went on a forty-five minute drive and when I got to my destination, had no recollection of driving or how I got there. However, my bi-weekly blood tests said that everything was normal and there were no toxic amounts of lithium in my system. In October of 2003, when I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant for my daughter, I stopped the lithium and went the entire nine months without medication. I had few manics, and fewer depressives. When I had my daughter in May of 2004, the doctors prescribed me Depakote and Zoloft, to combat the post partum depression. The manics and depressives started up again a short time after my daughter was born, partly because of my fiance's incarceration, partly because no matter how hard I fight it I am bipolar. I went to my new doctor, a man by the name of Lebow, and he prescribed me Resperdol and Clonopin. Resperdol being another anti- psychotic, and Clonopin for anxiety, because I was developing a slight problem leaving my house. Less than three days after being on the Resperdol, I had a psychotic episode unlike any my family had ever seen. By nature I am a passive person and a pacifist to boot, but I was not on that medication. I screamed and yelled and became violent (towards inanimate objects), I cried for no reason and swore I was going to kill myself. I stopped taking the Resperdol the next morning and went back to the doctor two days later when I was again prescribed lithium carbonate, 300mg this time. With the new combination of the lithium and the clonopin, I have no more manics or depressives. I don't space out, but I do get really thirsty all the time and have a constant tin-like taste in my mouth. For about an hour or two after I take the medicines, I feel a little cloud-headed, but other than that, I feel fine. It took a couple times spinning the wheel, but I finally found the right combination. Bipolar disorder is not a fun little diagnosis I gave myself to get a little extra attention from the people around me. In no way do I enjoy having to get my blood draw every two weeks to make sure that my liver is not failing or do I enjoy the kind of look I get from the pharmacist when she asks for my identification so I can pick up my medications. I didn't ask for this to happen in my brain, but it's hereditary (thanks dad), and I was lucky enough to be the one to get it. <br. I am not looking for sympathy from any one person. I am not looking for understanding or even questions. I am looking to educate. My uncle once said that bipolar disorder is just a way for doctors to make more money giving out medications. He says that everyone has their little ups and downs and I should learn to deal with that. But bipolars don't have little ups and downs. We have severe changes in moods that make us scared, and scare the people around us. It's not a matter of attention, it's not a matter of whining, or doctors making money at the expense of misdiagnosing others. It's an actual mental problem affecting all walks of like that should be looked at a little more seriously than just another person looking to get a little extra attention. ------------ About the author L.J. Chapman: I have two children and I live in Massachusetts. I am engaged to be married on October 8, 2005. I have written some poetry for poetry.com and I am in the middle of writing my first novel "The Checkered Blanket". Email: bipolar_bear80@hotmail.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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