I also want you, the fine readers, to get to know me a little bit better each week. Although everything that I write, I write from my perspective, hence the title of my column. But I do hope that within a very short time you’ll get to see all of life’s little ironies the way I do.

So, for this first installment I’ve picked my home state of California. Jammed packed with lots of irony but where do I start? Let’s see…. Just a little hint, I actually do love it here regardless of what the article may state. Having spent some time in Nevada and recently eight years in Buffalo, how could I not? But I digress, now onto the subject of this article.

Have you ever been pulled over by our men in black and white, the California Highway Patrol? If not then after reading this you might just want to travel to our state, do some nefarious traffic deeds and get pulled over. Needless to say, the CHP are just the beginnings of some long steps that you have to proceed along as a wanton traffic offender. After getting pulled over they’ll present you with a free pass to come before a judge. Having received this much-loved document, I decided to plead my innocence before the magistrate instead of lying over and playing dead. All I had to do was follow the instructions, written in 2-point pica on the back of the ticket, and I would receive my day in court.

I first started off by calling the courtroom where I was to appear a month down the road. (no pun intended) I picked up my phone that very first Monday after my dereliction of traffic safety and called the Superior Court of the County of Sacramento. Ready to plead my case before the phone operator of the court, of course I was put into the never-ending phone loop that comes with calling any agency now a days, and waited. After five minutes another disembodied voice came over the line and told me that all operators were busy and I could call back later. Then it hung up on me. I realized then that my call was terminated (not an Arnold pun) by a machine with a bad attitude. I called back and was snubbed again. I decided to call it quits and show up at the pre-hearing. So much for work, I don’t need money to pay my bills.

To my amazement a few weeks later I received a letter from the court. I was sent another document explaining my infraction, bail amount and to my joy, a way to skip the pre-hearing. I looked at the section marked "To Plead Not Guilty" and followed the instructions. In the section mentioned, it states that in order to set up a hearing date, I had to send in the amount of bail and the courts would HOLD the check. Me, being an upstanding citizen, took that to mean just what it said, "HOLD". But apparently the County of Sacramento has a different definition of the word HOLD. They believe that HOLD means to cash a check the moment it arrives. Not HOLD but CASH. Unabridged Webster’s definition, I’m sure. From there it all fell apart. For you see I had written other checks not realizing that the County of Sacramento were liars and thieves. And as any good banker will tell you, you can't write checks for monies that are not at your disposal. The next week, as I was on-line with my bank, I realized what the county had done. I called them up, thank God, didn't go through the machine battle and actually spoke to a representative. Looking back through, I kind of miss that machine. Anyway, I relayed my anxiety to the representative, and she explained to me that "Yes, we do cash anything that comes to us". I mentioned the part about HOLDING the funds. She kind of smirked and said, "That's not what we do".

So, having to repair my bank account was something that I hadn't planned on doing that week. But nevertheless, it was on the "To Do" list and I took care of it. As promised by the County of Sacramento, they did give me a formal court date, in mid September.

Although I'm pleading innocent, the State of California has taken my $152.00, applied it to their bank account and when the judge hears my case and I am absolved of this false traffic violation, I should receive my $152.00 in four to six weeks. Which bring me back to why I love this state so much.

Where else can you go in the other forty-nine states, pay for your innocence and then wait while the state uses your money, free of charge, for up to three months? I'd venture to say, nowhere.

Maybe these were some of those great services provided by the state that our new Governor promised us?

I'll keep you informed as to the final outcome of next month's hearing.

But next week, I might have a special column dealing with "How To Be Politically Retarded or Why I Joined The Republican Party".

Until then, have a great week and keep looking in your rear view mirror for those bright, shiny lights welcoming you to our beloved state.

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About the author: In 1990, Mr. Richard Anthony began his writing career. His first screenplay venture was an animated screenplay called "And A Child Shall Lead Them". It's a script that deals with the magical and mystical land called Nek-Ka-Ah where Good battles Evil for control. Although the screenplay first began as a children's book, a friend, Eric Post of Post Productions and Suspects read it and immediately turned it over to a friend of his at Disney Studios. The treatment was sent to both Disney and Amblin Studios for consideration. Disney Studios contacted Mr. Anthony and asked that it be made into a screenplay. He did and so was born one of many screenplays. The contact person at Disney Studios was a man by the name of Chris Buck. When Mr. Buck left Disney, Mr. Anthony lost the chance to have his script reviewed. Since then he has written eight screenplays, designed seven, original television programs, a two act play and a series of children's books called "Ten Minute Tales". He has also written a number of poems, one of which "Winning" was selected by The International Library of Poetry to appear in print on their American Poet's Anthology book for 1999. The Poet Society contacted Mr. Anthony again and asked his permission to feature "Winning" in their America at the Millennium publication. He gave them permission to publish and now "Winning" will appear in print as of the beginning of the new century. The Poet Society awarded "Winning" to be published out of over one million entries.

Richard Anthony has been a part of the media and acting business for numerous years. Mr. Anthony started a career in radio in 1977, when going to Consumnes River College. He was chosen to be the Productions Director for the college radio station. Mr. Anthony's talents expanded as he took on the role of a play by play announcer for Consumnes River's football team. After completing a year of Communications courses, Richard began working part time at KEBR in 1978. Later that year, he went to work for KFIA. In 1980, Mr. Anthony began working as a morning show personality on KZAP, one of the first ten FM radio stations that began airing in the late 1960's. He worked under the name of "Killer Bee". He work at KZAP until 1983. In 1986, he was once again back in radio, this time at KSMJ, where he quickly climbed the ladder and became Assistant Operations Manager.

In 1988, KSMJ became more sports oriented and Mr. Anthony also took on the title of Sport's Director. While Mr. Anthony was at KSMJ, he produced local programming for the San Francisco Giants, Los Angeles Raiders, San Jose Sharks, and the U.C. Davis Aggies college football team. He also looked over production of The Dan Dierdorf Show, The John Madden Show, The Bob Costas Show and The Dick Vitalli Show. In 1988, he crossed over and was once again on an FM morning show, with sister station KSFM, where the Killer Bee character was revived and became a household name in Sacramento. The FM 102's Morning Zoo Show, had a listening audience of over 250,000 listeners every morning. While on the Morning Zoo, he wrote, produced and voiced over hundreds of radio bits and comedy pieces. In 1992 he left FM 102 and formed Pyramid Productions. A production company dealing with television commercials, industrial/marketing videos, original television programming and films. Below is a listing of all of Mr. Anthony's properties.

SCREENPLAYS:

A CHILD SHALL LEAD THEM - ANIMATED

GRIDLOCK - COMEDY

BAFFIN BAY - HISTORICAL/DRAMA

THE PASS - HISTORICAL/DRAMA

LA - THE QUAKE - ACTION/ADVENTURE

THE KEY - SUSPENSE/THRILLER

WINDOWS - SUSPENSE/THRILLER

MOUSE-TRAPPED - ROMANTIC/COMEDY

M.I.A. (Murdered in Action) - ACTION/THRILLER

TELEPLAY WRITER:

CARING - DRAMA/COMEDY

CLIPS - MUSIC MAGAZINE SHOW

SAL'S - COMEDY

WELCOME TO ISLETVILLE - CHILDREN'S EDUCATIONAL

ES FACIL APRENDER - CHILDREN'S EDUCATIONAL

CLUB VID - MUSICAL MAGAZINE SHOW

WHERE ARE THEY NOW? - MUSICAL MAGAZINE SHOW

CHILDREN'S LITERATURE:

TEN MINUTE TALES - FIVE BOOK BEDTIME SERIES PLAYWRIGHT:

LITTLE BOY BLUE - TWO ACT DRAMA/COMEDY

www.angelfire.com/ny/pyramidproductions

Email: tandem_productions@yahoo.com

Tell a friend about this site!

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