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Aug 9, 2004 Sometimes truisms are meant to be broken. Allow me to explain. I live to make truisms –- bold statements of universal truth by which I can steer my life. “Gun control is bad,” for example, or “The age of good rock and roll is dead.” Grand sweeping statements. One of my favorites is that there are no cool people who are famous. There are famous people I’d like to meet, and there are cool people I’d like to meet. However, cool people aren’t famous. The underground people –- the subversives, the beat poets of society. Jack Kerouac, for example. He was cool, until he became famous -– then he became bourgouis which is French for “sell-out.” Sell-outs are not cool. Conversely, there are no famous people who are cool. They can only appear to be cool but, if you got them alone in a room -– say, if I was in an elevator with Renee Zellweger -– we wouldn’t have much to talk about. I don’t care to hear her insights about the production of “Bridget Jones’ Diary” and she couldn’t see me because she squints so bad. Zellweger may be pretty but I’d hate to be stuck on an island with her. Other than stories about Johnny Depp and George Clooney, she’d probably have very little interesting to say. You can bet I’d have to build the grass hut without her help. That would be not cool, suggesting that my grand unified vision of things is still intact. Well, it’s not. I am now aware of at least one person who is both cool AND famous. His name is Eddie Steeples, and he’s the groovy funkmaster guy on the Office Max commercials who grooves his way through the world, dispensing office and school supplies from a customized delivery cart to the music of The Spinners’ “Rubberband Man.” The 60-second commercial features the now-famous Rubberband Man dancing around, providing supplies, and making the office happy and everyone's life easier. He wears a big afro -- parted, by the way -- as well as a dress shirt and tie. He is undeniably the coolest guy I’ve seen on TV in a long time, and I hope to meet him one day. I would help him deliver office supplies, if only to learn how to dance like that. He isn’t just hip. He’s SUPER hip. He’s the Rubberband Man. "He's outta sight," the Spinners sing. "Everything he does seems to turn out alright." If you’ve seen him, you surely agree. The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences certainly has. So strong is their agreement that they nominated the Rubberband Man for an Emmy Award in the Outstanding Commercial Category. I don’t normally watch the Emmies, since the awards are normally for people I don’t find interesting -- like Dennis Franz from NBC’s “NYPD Blue,” or anyone from the equally dull CBS Monday night line-up. However, I will watch it this year. I want to see the Rubberband Man make his way down the funky cool red carpet, handing out pens and staple removers to the audience. It will be Rubberbandtastic. So, I’m amending my truism. MOST famous people are not cool, and vice versa. The exception is Eddie Steeples, Office Max’s Rubberband Man. I don’t make gushing recommendations very often, but check him out. You’ll be glad you did. MEET THE RUBBERBAND MAN: http://officemax.secureportal.com/ ------------ About the author: Doug Hecox is an accomplished stand-up comedian whose work has appeared in everything from Reader's Digest to the Washington Monthly. His latest book, "Graze Expectations," is available widely. For more information, visit Doug at www.dougfun.com. Email: doug@dougfun.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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