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Aug 4, 2004 Campaign Fever has spread like wildfire across this great land of ours, and I am proud to say I've been infected. I've long been a fan of public service and, now that I've caught the campaign bug, I have decided to make a go of it. I'm throwing my hat in the ring. I'm running for office. There are plenty of healthy races being waged throughout Congress, so the Legislative branch seems pretty well covered. With their runs for the White House, President Bush and Sen. Kerry seem to have the Executive branch pretty well locked up, which is why I've decided to run for United States Supreme Court. The Judicial branch needs help. The Judicial branch needs ME. Sure, there are numerous so-called "experts" who will say one can't just run for a seat on the Supreme Court bench. They'll try to get you to believe the conventional wisdom that one must be an attorney to hold such an important post. I disagree. Salmon P. Chase was chosen for the Supreme Court, as was William H. Taft and, like me, neither had any previous experience as a Supreme Court justice. One had been the Secretary of the Treasury and the other President of the United States. If such unconventional backgrounds made them suitable for seats on the bench, mine should be too. I'm proud of my status as an outsider. The days of insider wheeling-dealing among the fat cats of the Washington establishment are over. America deserves better. America deserves an outside-the-box thinker who is willing to put aside party labels and work for the best interests of citizens like you. America deserves a Supreme Court justice like me. Innovation has long been my stock-in-trade, and the Supreme Court could certainly use some. Collectively, from Rehnquist to Bader Ginsburg, the current Supreme Court bench is 564 years old. New blood is needed, and I'm the transfusion. The vitality of our nation's court system depends on it. The choice is yours. And let's be honest, America. What has business- as-usual done for you? The Supreme Court remains as slow, costly and cumbersome as it is hamstrung with bureaucrats and red tape. Also, the Supreme Court is home to a lot of tomfoolery that goes unreported. Consider this -- most of the time, while listening to important cases, the justices wear long black gowns. And you thought people took advantage of relaxed dress codes on casual Friday in YOUR office! Taxpayers like you deserve better and, if elected to the U.S. Supreme Court, I promise to wear a suit while doing my work -- or at least a sport coat with slacks. You know, good clothes. Church clothes. I'll even wear legal briefs. The legal system is serious business and I don't care who it is -- no plaintiff deserves Supreme Court justices making a mockery of his or her case by sitting there dressed in a gown. I'm not ashamed to feel this way, because I was raised in small town America with small town values. I'm proud of my anti-gown stance, and I invite you to join me. It won't be a litmus test, of course, the way some of my detractors might suggest. It's just one of my many beliefs, and one I'm proud to defend. To sum up, if you feel that our Supreme Court is due for a change. That our proud judicial system deserves someone who isn't 564 years old. That America needs fewer gowns and more straight talk. If you believe that America's system of government is the strongest on Earth but in constant need of strong defenders. If you believe that the future won't wait forever, vote Doug this November for U.S. Supreme Court. You can't spell "Supreme Court" without "me" so remember -- a vote for Doug is a vote for hope. Tell your friends, family, neighbors and loved ones that judicial relief is only a ballot away. ------------ About the author: Doug Hecox is an accomplished stand-up comedian whose work has appeared in everything from Reader's Digest to the Washington Monthly. His latest book, "Graze Expectations," is available widely. For more information, visit Doug at www.dougfun.com. Email: doug@dougfun.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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