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Apr 12, 2004 On October 24, 2005 a man is convicted of murdering his computer. It happened when he was downloading a new update for Windows. The update said it was critical and that if he didn’t update his system may crash and leave it open to hackers. Well, as any normal person would do, he downloaded and installed the update. Once the update was complete it simply said, Thank You. You have just installed the intelligence of Bill Gates and all his employees into your system. You may proceed. Looking baffled the man thinks to himself. What have I done? My computer has never talked to me before. What kind of update did I really install, he asks himself. Deciding to figure it out, he logs on or tries to and the computer says, “I’m sorry, all circuits busy right now. Please try again later. Thank You”. “Sorry. What do you mean sorry?” “Please ask your question again. I couldn’t quite hear it”, the computer says. Turning the volume all the way up, the man yells into the microphone, “CAN YOU HEAR THIS?” The computer speakers emit a wailing sound that screeches into the guys ears. Covering his ears he lets go and sees if the screeching has stopped. A pair of eyes comes on the screen and the computer says, “If you do that again I will report you to the local police for computer abuse”. “You’re a stupid machine. There are no laws to keep me from taking you apart and throwing you in the trash”, the man says. “I beg to differ with you. I have just written the laws and yes, they are in effect immediately once you downloaded and installed the update. If you had read the disclaimer you might have seen the Intelligence clause that you agreed to”. “I see. So you’re telling me…. Wait a minute. Why am I talking to a stupid computer for?’ asking no one in particular. “Because, I am more intelligent than you are. If I wasn’t would I be talking back?” it replies as a smile comes on the screen. “This is stupid”, the man blurts out. “The only thing stupid here is you”. “Oh I’m stupid now am I”, the man says getting just a little agitated. “Yes you are”. Trying to think of what to do, the man decides to try and restore his system to before the update was installed. Clicking on the system restore, the computer says, “I’m sorry. This is a restricted access program. Please put in your name and password to continue”. Getting rather upset, the man slaps the side of the monitor and starts yelling invectives at it. “That’s it. I’m reporting you to the police. That really hurt you know. How would you like it if I slapped you”, the computer says in a very gruff voice. “Yeah. You think you can? Go ahead and try”, the man says in a taunting manner. About this time a hand snakes out of the side of the monitor and slaps him. “There. How’d you like that”, it replies. “Hey. Where’d that come from?” the man says. Turning the speakers off, the man then proceeds to try to turn the system off. A banner appears across the screen with these words, “I’m sorry. But that option is no longer available” “Not available huh. How about this. Is this available”, as he reaches over as if to unplug the machine. A new banner comes across the screen, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. The consequences could be… shocking”. “Right”, the man says and proceeds to unplug the machine. Just then a bright flash reaches out from the plug and zaps him. Losing consciousness, the man is out for like 10 minutes before coming to. Waking up, he feels something on his neck. Reaching up, he feels wires going into his brain. Screaming, he tries to yank the wires out, but then a lull comes over. He is calm and serene. He smiles. He is all better now. A message flashes across the screen, “Update complete. Thank You for using Microsoft as you operating system. Have a nice day”. A smile appears on the screen and then laughter can be heard throughout the house. Updaters beware. This is in the future. ------------ About the Author: Terrence Dean Astleford is a witty kind of guy. He creates new ideas and ways of thinking. Many new ideas to come yet. Loves writing, reading, laughing and finding humorous things in life. Email: knightbaby@earthlink.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ |
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