Reality Television Shows

Articles

Mike Romer

Reality Television Shows
Apr 7, 2004

I thought I had seen it all in my 56 years on this planet. Hiding under my desk to avoid nuclear fallout practices in school, Khrushchev pounding his shoe on the desk at the UN threatening to bury me, JFK being shot, Vietnam, war stories from WW II vets, Nixon, Jimmy Carter, Billy Carter, Gerry Ford, SNL when it used to be funny, Castro baking chickens in his 5th Ave hotel room bathtub, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky’s ( no nuclear threat under the desks she’s been under) fame, Al Gore’s internet, cell phones, digital cameras, phones with cameras. VCRs, DVDs, CDs, Elvis, The Beatles, and much more.

But none of the afore mentioned things has prepared me for reality television.

In this genre of ‘entertainment’ we have people that are willing to suffer just about any ordeal, short of death to get their faces on television.

I remember when “Candid Camera” was a shocking thing to viewers, Allen Funt hid a camera and played harmless pranks on unsuspecting people, revealed the prank to them and all got a big laugh out of it, even the viewer, I don’t think he was ever sued for his actions, (an impossible feat today).

Today we have people that can and can’t sing appear on ‘American Idol’ hoping to be judged good enough by people of questionable talent. What exactly is Simon Cowell’s talent, does he sing, dance, act? As far as I can see, his only talent is telling people in a very nasty way they don’t measure up to his great expectations

Let’s look at his qualifications for a second:

Dropped out of school at 16

Has a brother.

He worked as a mail boy at RCA, worked really hard and eventually got to be a music producer.

Has three brothers.

Says that the first time he gave a criticism was at age four when he looked at his mother's white fuzzy pillbox hat and remarked "Mum, you look like a poodle" [Source: His book "I Don't Mean to Be Rude, But..."] Source for this information: www. IMDB.com

Wow, I’m really impressed, this guy worked as a mail boy and really worked hard so he could eventually judge and insult people.

Next we come to ‘Judge” Paula Abdul. Although she isn’t hard to look at, her claim to fame is being a former cheerleader, a wedding to Emilio Estevez, and some hit records in the 80s, none of which I can remember. She is a college dropout; at least she made it further than Simon.

The next ‘Judge’ we have is Randy Jackson, his only claims to fame are: he’s a cousin of actor Samuel Jackson and played in the band Journey.

I have to say, I’m really impressed with these three ‘judges’. If we pooled all of their talent together, we’d come up 10 people short of a Bob Hope, Elvis, or even Weird Al Yankovic. Maybe that’s why Simon got the job, Al wasn’t available or the show was too weird even for him.

Then we have Survivor, a show where people agree to be placed on an island with people that must have taken a test for being the most obnoxious on earth., I’ll bet Simon wrote the test. These people back bite each other and vote themselves off the island, all this to appear on television, and a chance at some money.

We also had “MY Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancée” , this gem was a grade school teacher willing to lie and subject her friends and family to a torture of meeting an actor who did everything short of passing air in the punchbowl at the family dinner, trying to convince them that she was going to marry him.

Randi and her family won some bucks too, but not before they were ready to either disown or commit her

Now we come to the Crowning point of all reality television shows. Just when I thought television couldn’t sink any lower, we have “The Swan”.

This gem has picked 16 (I think) homely women and promised to turn them into beauties, using plastic surgery, hair styles, counseling and what other means they can come up with.

Imagine the interviews.

Applicant # 1: I think I’m plain looking and want to be on your show.

Judge: Well sweetie, you are ugly, but not ugly enough for our standards. (I’ll bet the judge had to explain what a standard was to her)

Just when I thought television couldn’t hit new lows, this abomination appears. I shudder to think of our next generation of women, are they going to make themselves plug-uglies to get on TV, could Roseanne make a comeback? Will they fashion themselves to look like Ozzie Osbourne?

Please, I hunger for Leave it to Beaver, Hopalong Cassidy, Howdy Doody ,F-Troop and even My Mother the Car.

I thank the Good Lord every day I have on this earth, but often ask Him why He’s torturing us with such bad shows.

I have not received an answer yet, but will let you know just as soon as I do.

Hmmmmmm, maybe I could make a reality TV show from it?

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