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June 3, 2003 It takes 3 to four wraps of a spinning chain,to make up a joint of pipe on the floor of a drilling rig. If you pull the pin on a hand grenade and release the spoon, you have about seven seconds until it detonates, 5 seconds is a sure thing so you can hold it for 3 seconds and then throw it. Telling your girlfriend that you have a crush on a friends wife will not bring the two of you closer together and in fact may break you apart. Especially if the wife dumps her husband shortly after your admission. Windows update sooner or later will crash your computer.. get over it! People can do a 3 block burnout in front of you and you'll never see a police officer... But if you fail to stop at an intersection I guarantee you the full weight of the law will be arriving at your window asking for "License and registration please". If you have money, there is not one shirt, or pair of pants that you like ... or can make up your mind on.. If your broke your decision making ability is suddenly laser like in its precision and you are surrounded by EXACTLY the right size, patterns and colours...This is usually compounded by an impossibly hot sales person.. who looks confused because "it's so perfect for you" and you dont buy it! Dont beleive this? Leave your wallet at home and go shopping.. the deals you will see will amaze you! The sun will always shine on Monday morning and Friday afternoon,but on Saturday it will either rain like a monsoon or blow like a hurricane all week end long.. dont believe me ? Plan an outdoor eventfor a long weekend and watch what happens! Erma Bombeck was right, "the grass is always greener over the septic tank" but what she neglected to mention was.. "the warranty always expires the day after it breaks" "One size fits all ..Just not you" and my personal favorite "windows explorer has experienced an unexpected error" Unexpected! that seems to be the one thing you can count on... nobody said that Bill Gates is without a sense of humor..or anything else for that matter! Thats my useless knowledge for today.. Whats on your mind? ------------ About the author: Stan Bernard lives in Edmonton Alberta Canada. Email Stan Bernard: bernard_stan@yahoo.com Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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