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Apr 9, 2003 Wars always seem to bring out their fair share of colorful characters. In just in this century alone, Americas conflicts have produced men like John Blackjack Pershing, George S Blood and Guts Patton, and Stormin Norman Schwarzkopf. Gulf II is no different. On the coalition side, we have people like Donald Rummy Rumsfeld. At any given briefing, the mercurial Rumsfeld can go from having that very likable, almost folksy demeanor to browbeating some unsuspecting member of the press corps in a New York minute. If we switch to the Iraqi side, the prize for Most Colorful has to go to Information Minister Mohammed Said Al-Sahhaf, a.k.a. Baghdad Bob. Al-Sahhaf is a piece of work: a real chip off the ol presidential palace (# 17). However, he should really be called Minister of Sunshine if not something more colorful - because hes relaying anything but information. I know that there are two sides to any propaganda war, but this guy really takes the pita. Al-Sahhaf is either the consummate optimist (if so, you gotta love him) or very poorly informed (and therefore not quite living up to his title). In either case, he seems blissfully unaware that the walls are crashing in around him. A quick sampling of some of his comments: Quote: The round-the-clock bombing has had a trivial impact on Iraqs capabilities. Ah, yes. And Ishtar was a minor setback for Warren Beattys career. Quote: "We have them imprisoned in their tanks now they cannot come out of their tanks. This is a curious claim. It conjures images of portly Iraqi soldiers perched on top of each hatch (sitzkrieg?), or maybe employing the old broomstick-through-the-handles trick. Quote: ``I mean some kind of martyrdom, and there are very, very new ways which we are going to carry out...' Very, very new waysthe jihad equivalent of double secret probation. Quote: ``We went ahead and immobilized the forces of the invaders, the mercenaries of the U.S. and Britain...we nailed them down.'' This one is almost nonchalant, as if the Iraqis were a little bored and had to clear some time in their schedules for a routine immobilization: Ali, hows your 2pm looking for stopping an infidel invasion cold in its tracks? Can we get falafel afterwards? Well...OK. Quote: Reports that the coalition forces have entered Baghdad are truthless. The mother of all whoppers. I think he dropped this gem on TV while U.S. soldiers were actually repelling right past his office window. OK, so maybe the last one is an exaggeration, but it was pretty close to that. The point is that the list simply goes on and on like this. At the same time, you have to give Al-Sahhaf credit: he is so consistent in his rosy outlook and refusal to accept the facts that its impossible to argue against him. He reminds me of the old Monty Python sketch where the customer tries to return a dead parrot to the pet store. Despite all evidence to the contrary (including the fact that the bird is nailed to the cages perch), the shop owner insists that the parrot is either resting or stunned. Like the shop owner, Al-Sahhaf comes across as the type who will not be dissuaded by logic and only frustrates those who attempt to sway him. The business in Iraq is, of course, still very serious. But amid the horror that we all hope and pray will end swiftly, we can find a bit of levity in Al-Sahhaf. If there is a place in post-war Iraq for a motivational speaker, he gets the nod hands down. About Matthew Bastian: Recovering socialst, part-time drummer, long-suffering Brewers fan, and all-around beach hound, Mr. Bastian lives in central New Jersey. Email Matthew Bastian: mbastian19@hotmail.com ------------ Comment on this column in the forum. ------------ |
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