Sometimes, we find a routine to parenting which works- or seems to work. But do you stop to think what messages you send to your child by the way you teach him about his environment? Parents can step on their childrens self-determinism without knowing it. The following tips offer insight to effective parenting so the child does not feel as though he is being controlled.

Know this: His whole being and life depend upon his rights to use his own decision about his movements and his possessions and his body.

Instead of expecting to make all of the decisions, it is healthy to allow him control over his own world. One idea is to ask your child, do you want to wear the red socks or blue ones? If he decides to wear one of each, well thats okay. Who really cares, anyway?

Have you ever met a parent who wants a well rounded child? Well sure, perhaps that parent is you, and if so, one aspect of this would mean the child has some musical background. It will not serve him well to force him into this or any other activity that the parent would like him to do.

As a young child, both my sister and I were forced to play the piano. While I did learn about music, I also learned how much of a burden it became to have a forceful mother. Making suggestions can go a much longer way. We would probably enjoy it if our children developed a love for music, but not everyone will do that, and this is okay.

Another mistake that parents can often make is expecting the child to treat their possessions as we would want them to. All of the things that are given to the child should be for the child to enjoy in any way that he pleases, after all, they are his things and not yours. If he likes to tear the pages out of a book or color on his crib, allow him to do so. These are his own freedoms.

Some parents think it is correct to teach them not to do these things, but is there any adult who continues to color on their walls? Mostly not, because we all mature regardless of the way we were raised, but if one did do this, society would call it art.

Think of it this way, if your friend bought you book and intruded into your home to tell you what to do with it, a fight would ensue. Such happens between parents and children as well.

Children simply play with their belongings differently than we do and this too is okay and normal. They will learn in their own time with or without any forcing. In fact, if a parent tries to force the child to take care of the object, the child might very well tear it up on purpose as a form of rebellion.

Sometimes, it takes more effort to work around forcing things on children, but it is worth it in the end. For instance, if you ask the child to go to bed and he says no, instead of saying I am the parent and I say you must, say, ok, would you like to talk about something else? Ask them about what they would like to talk about. After a few minutes suggest going to bed, and the child will inevitably agree. I promise this will work! As absurd as it may sound to you, please give it a try before you disagree.

If it does not, it could be because the child is usually ordered around, and he is enjoying his new freedoms a little too much. Give it time, and dont give up.

Finally, the most important mistake you might make is taking things away from your child. If another individual took away any object that you held, you would become very upset, would you not? Again, children are no different.

Unless the object puts your child in immediate danger, ask him if you can have it. Sometimes he will offer it and sometimes, the little buggar will run away with it. No big deal. Say, oh okay, I dont need it right now. Immediately after, ask again if you can see it.

I practice this everyday with my toddler, and it never fails- he always offers it by the second time I ask. Sometimes, when I say never mind, he runs up to give it to me without having to ask again. I always praise him after for being so helpful so that next time he will remember that I get really excited if he gives it to me.

I explained this information to a friend who was in distress over conflicts with her son. She refused to see how giving the child more freedoms would work.

As Dr. Phil asks, Hows it working for you? If what you are currently doing is not working, try these suggestions. They just might be your key to a little peace and quiet, but youll never know unless you try.

About the author: Brooke Hadley currently writes freelance feature articles and has six years of professional writing experience. She has recently been published in Mystic, CT, Los Angeles, CA, and Austin, TX. She currently lives in Austin with her new hubby and their son, Skylar Austin. Email Brooke Hadley: PersistentGerl@hotmail.com.

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