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 By Patrick Hurley Feb. 24, 2006 The lawyer for and the parents of Joran Van der Sloot pleaded with him not to go on national television and tell his version of what happened the night he was with Natalee Holloway but he ignored their requests and did it anyway. Big mistake. Watching Scott Pet...er, Joran, revealed clearly to anyone with a sound mind that this guy could not tell the truth even if it was lethally injected into him. He rambled incoherently from being a victim to bashing the Twitty family to how HIS life is now ruined to his feeble apology that he should never have left Natalee on the beach to.... It is hopeless. I cannot begin to make sense out of one lie after another. He contradicted himself more than Richard Nixon during Watergate. Compared to him he made Bill Clinton look honest. I didn't think that was possible. Every time he opened his mouth America laughed. One moment he was admitting he lied constantly throughout the entire investigation. The next moment he claimed he is not lying NOW. Do we all look that naive or is his arrogance as Aruba's Golden Child making him blind to his own ridiculous conclusions? O.J. Simp...I mean, Joran, fit the profile for a psychopath right down to every physical detail....his eyes blinked when he was confronted with a tough question, he looked away and shifted his eyes at those moments when he had to explain another one of his falsehoods proving for the public record he was STILL lying and when he was asked to explain one more time what happened after he was dropped off by his two buddies with Natalee, his words noticeably slowed as he shifted into, "I am now in my stilted rehearsed mode as I carefully measure my words in my memorized speech that I have practiced hundreds of times before in my room and jail cell." He wanted to tell his story in Primetime so the world would see he is still in control. Dennis Rad...oops, I mean the BTK, no, Joran was proving to all of us that he was still in charge. He was reveling in the spotlight as he blamed EVERYONE else for the suffering he had gone through.... According to Ted Bund, omigosh, I mean Joran, here are the "facts" from HIS perspective... He was not interested in Natalee earlier in their first encounter at the blackjack table but in another girl (even though he also claims to have had a girlfriend at the time) Natalee approached him at Carlos and Charlie's Natalee asked him to dance Natalee laid down on the bar and asked him to do a jelly shot off her stomach Natalee ignored her friends and got into the car on her own Natalee jumped into the backseat with Joran Joran initiated the kissing (FINALLY, an admission of responsibility?) Natalee did not want to go back to the hotel Natalee wanted to go to his house to have sex with him Natalee called her mom, "Hitler's sister." Natalee got out of the car at the beach with him Natalee laid on top of him and sexually fondled him so he fondled her back It was the condom's fault that it forgot to insert itself in his pants pocket so he could have sex Natalee insisted on staying on the beach so he had no choice but to leave her there Beth Twitty yelled and cursed at him so he decided to lie to her and the police because she was being abusive to him and his family He called Deepak to come get him. He said Satish picked him up He said he walked home Now, he claims Satish DID pick him up The attorneys for the brothers said neither picked him up He is still lying He claims he forgot his shoes when he got back into the car (that he never got back into) He and the Kalpoe brothers practiced their made up story about blaming the security guards in his room each day the following week. (I guess the two brothers were ALSO offended at the language the Twittys used on the Van der Sloots?) It was his family and friend's fault that he told the initial lie because he would get in trouble for being on the beach with Natalee and they would think bad of him. Plus, his girlfriend would get mad at him, too. I could go on and on but why? If anyone got sick of seeing Beth Twitty in an interview they ought to get a load of THIS guy! Robert Bla...darn, I mean Joran, was a one person comedy show. He looked the entertaining part, too. Nice eyelash makeup, red lipstick, blotches everywhere on his skin that seemed to get worse after incriminating questions were asked. Did he have an anger management problem? Well, he says no. That, of course, means yes. When he was served the lawsuit just after his plane landed, he tore it up and threw it on the ground. A tantrum sending his mantra out once again, "How dare the COMMON people approach him in that way!" Gee, I wonder if Natalee Holloway experienced that same temper first-hand? I sat there watching his eyes darting, seeing him licking his lips just like Laci's husband as he destroyed his own credibility every time he opened his mouth. That wasn't the hard part for me or anyone else who can spot a phony a mile away. It was finally becoming convinced that he destroyed someone else on that May night so long ago and he has absolutely no remorse for it which means he will do it again. He is such a pathetic figure that he really believes we all bought his explanations last night. Not even close. ------------ About the author: Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California. Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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