HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
Feb. 14, 2006 Beth Reynolds Holloway-Twitty, the media-maven-loving mother of the now-normal-but-still-missing Natalee Holloway is Walking Taller these days after being deputized in early February. http://www.wiat.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=WIAT/MGArticle/IAT_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1137833843406&path== In a pre-Valentine presentation which will undoubtedly drive crime in Alabama down to an all-time low, Beth Twitty became an honorary Jefferson County, AL, deputy sheriff on February 2, 2006. The highlight of the ceremony, no doubt carefully chosen to coincide with the start of Beth’s latest Internet-focused reincarnation (SaveYourself, of which there will be much, much more, later), was Sheriff Mike Hale bestowing upon Mrs. Twitty a pin, which represented a miniaturized Sheriff’s badge, and a certificate attesting to her appointment as a deputy sheriff. While it was left unclear as to whether this pin-and-paper combination will give Beth the right to bear arms in her on-air, off-Aruba quest for the answers to the questions surrounding the on-Aruba vanishing (of the now-revealed-as-normal Natalee Holloway, the beautiful, maybe-not-missing-from-Aruba-after-all, Alabama semi-honours student who, according to various HMI websites, was awarded a portion of an eight-year, bus pass-endowed, full-ride scholarship for a four-year premedicine degree at the University of Alabama), a loaded pistol, brandished menacingly in front of a TV camera or three, would certainly rejuvenate the flagging ratings of the few entertainment networks which still devote regular air time to this made-for-the-media mystery (please, Lord; a slip of the trigger finger could remove Greta from the case, boost ratings, and also make a poignant pronouncement on behalf of gun safety). Whilst a deputy sheriffship could be a bit of comedown from the heady heights of a Kentucky Colonelcy (http://www.useless-knowledge.com/1234/05dec/article092.html), it does entitle female appointees to be addressed by the Southern honorific, “ma’am”; comes with a badge-motif nightgown and the right to wear boots and spurs to bed of an evening; and allows full access to the banked vacation time of other honorary appointees. As Deputy Dawg would say, “YeeHaw, indeed!!” Nighttime-apparel rights aside, this fortuitous appointment could turn out to be the perfect weapon of vengeance; the one which Beth has been desperately searching for, for the last 10 months. She now has pin and official paper, and this (plus the boycott and the off-island posturing of can’t-go, VelcroJoe) might be enough for her to take over as the titular head of the Aruban judiciary and force the investigation back on track (and far, far away from fabled Mountain Brook). According to the itinerary provided by Birmingham’s WAIT-TV, Aruba will soon be blessed again with Beth’s presence as, “Twitty's search for answers will take her back to Aruba later this month.” Aruba’s Deputy Police Chief Dompig is presently in Holland and not available for comment; however, there were undoubtedly many questions, left unanswered during that last cut-short foray to Aruba, which would still be pending (and let us not forget those interviews of the American trip participants, conducted recently in a joint FBI-Aruban LE operation). WaHoo, Aruba!! A newly deputized Hell may finally be coming back to Aruba (in the first-class section and on-the-cuff, lol). Air out the complimentary Presidential Suite and practise your ‘ma’ams’, Arubians. While there won’t be too many miscreants for Beth to apprehend (tape-faking Skeeters and Phil are off-island; T J Ward is busy with psychics in America; and turtle-trompin’ Tim Miller is still having trouble teaching those horses to dive down to the 1,000-foot level), she could try to use her hard-won honours to get the no-go against VelcroJoe lifted. Misery might indeed love company. ------------ About the author: Dayo Gould is a frequent visitor to Aruba, and is a volunteer ESL teacher in a Christian school. Email: ed_asp@hotmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|