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Feb. 13, 2006 "In our lead story, Vice President Dick Cheney saves the world from communism by loading buckshot into pinko b@stard Harry Whittington's @ss on a contrived hunting trip, designed to flush out enemies to our country." Okay, it's fiction. We don't know that Whittington is a pinko b@stard. But we do know that Cheney loaded buckshot into his @ss, on a "hunting accident". Is the real question whether or not people over 70 should be toting shotguns in the woods to shoot little birds, or is reality imitating art? We all remember Robert Ludlum's novel "Osterman Weekend" writ large on the silver screen in 1983, don't we? Rutger Hauer was manipulated by John Hurt into bringing some "friends" out for that annual hunting trip to flush out enemies of the state? Folks that present a "clear and present danger" to America's democracy? Damn, Meg Foster's eyes..."What you've just witnessed is, in many ways, a life-sized video game. You saw a liar talk to a killer and you couldn't tell them apart. But hey, it's only television. As you may know, television programs are just the filler between attempts to steal your money. So if you want to save some, turn me off. It's a simple movement, done with the hand and what is left of your free will. The moment is now. My bet is you can't do it. But go ahead and try. Am I still on?" What? You don't remember being glued to the screen waiting to see the corrupt king from "Princess Bride" get his come-uppance in this taut thriller? Watching Burt Lancaster, Dennis Hopper and other old guys spill their thespian seed on the silver screen? Yeah, and the Bush Administration (full of old guys who saw this flick) is hoping that Turner Classic Movies and American Movie Classics will take this movie out of rotation, so you would forget it. Cameras and wiretaps and spies, oh my! Did the Bush Administration pick up something from a wiretap that clued us in on something Whittington was doing to bring down the United States? After all, if Wayne Gretzky's wife and assistant coach weren't involved with the mob in placing bets, their names certainly wouldn't have appeared on any supoena that involved wiretaps. It's the U.S.'s fascination with gangsters (in and out of movies) that allow us to manipulate any Patriot Act legislation to just wiretap anyone we don't like. Maybe Whittington placed a bet on Seattle? Man, that would have sucked, eh? The referees, afraid Cheney would load buckshot in their @sses if Pittsburgh lost, made sure that Seattle lost. Whittington, fascinated by the emerald green uniforms Seattle displayed in an extra-large Super Bowl, placed several large on them, hoping they would dance down the yellow-and-black brick road to victory. Oops. So, Cheney, pissed off that the Secret Service balked at the missive to "just get rid of Whit-less", took matters into his own hands. And ended up a lead story on Reuters. It's a good thing Bush already came clean that he was dropping illegal wiretaps in the best interest of America, isn't it? Otherwise, this would seem like a made-up story, by a freelance writer just looking for some attention, wouldn't it? Well, wouldn't it? ------------ About the author: After barely surviving the 2004 presidential election massacre, Chuck Tyler excaped north to Canada, where he is a copywriter/editor for OurSportsCentral.com. He can still be reached at tyler_1420@yahoo.com, and is accepting donations for knitted items such as mittens and sweaters. Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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