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Sept. 30, 2005 I contacted the gentleman through one of those friendfinder ads and we agreed to met at Burger King for coffee. Upon meeting him, I suspected that he would be perfectly happy sharing a six pack of dollar store soda on the tailgate of his pick-up truck while listening to Alan Jackson's "It's all right to be a redneck !!!" "Darlin, I'm gonna treat ya whatever your hankerin' on the burger king menu, " my date told me. "Right fine, I'll get a Veggie Burger to go with the coffee. If I had a candle, we could have a powerful romantic atmosphere right here at Burger King," I told him as with a wink.. "Veggie Burger! Fry my hide! You are not one of them artichoke eating California Tree Huggers," he asked me. California women have to use sperm donors on account o' all the California men being Mary Jane Kay Reps in Drag, Californians don't have a clue about what real mountains look like on account of the' smog covers them. dawgone it. If it is spinklin' in California , they all start talking' about a big storm. Californians can't speak right English on account o' all the cites start with San, Los, El, La, Santa, De La, o' De Los. Everyone who lives there reckons that hurricanes, tournedos, floods and snowstorms are way worse than earthquakes, which are, after all, over almost as soon as you recognize what's happening'. California will drive the store, even it's across the street. "So Darlin - I can tell you are not from around here. It cost me five dollars and ten cents for this date. So when are we going to get around to consummating this date, " the Gentleman asked me. I started laughing. "Yo Redneck Dude! I am a Los Angeles Woman who gone Country, Look at them boots and I think your tractor's sexy. Woo Hoo!!! I am in Love with you Darlin and I don't Even Know your name. Isn't it Kenny? Let me tell you a secret about California Culture. We eat raw fish for bait dipped it in Wasabi and to attract passion. but California Gals don't consummate until after the ring and ceremony. So if you want to get lucky meet me at the Sushi Bar with a diamond. We can sing, " A Little Less Talk And A Lot More Action " at our wedding," I told my date. "Woo, Easy Now" the gentleman replied. "I'm not talking about buckling down forever baby I'm just talking about a man and woman who might reach a little understanding I'm not talking about hooking up or hanging out I'm just talking about tonight," I told him as I gave him a wink, "Cool, we'll talk about it on our second date," A I was climbing in my car, I blew him a kiss. "Goodbye Earl, I mean Ken Hughes" I wasn't sure if that was his name but it was close enough. When I got home, lit incenses, a sage wand and some candles. I cleansed aura, balanced my chakras and talked to my crystals.. I wonder if the Redneck Gentleman and I will have a second date. Maybe our next date would be at Mickey D's. Note: This story is dedicated to fellow UK writer Ken Hughes who has declared her a bigot toward Southern Men. There is a sneaking suspicion that Ken Hughes has been called a bigot a few times himself. Actually, she finds Southern Gentlemen quite sensual. Namaste!!!!!!!!! ------------ About the author: Bonijean Isaacs is a freelance writer and Astrologer in West Virginia. Email: inez4liberty@gmail.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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