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Fifteen Positive Aspect Of Gay Marriages
By Stan Grimes
Sept. 18, 2005
Let’s think about some positive aspects of gay marriages. I know you don’t want to, but try to leave your conservative religious zealotry behind for just a few moments. I have made a list of good things that can happen with gay marriages:
1. Two people will be very happy, if they love one another.
2. Gay people are unable to have children, no population boom will occur if they do get married.
3. Closet gay politicians won’t have to remain in the closet; hence, no mud slinging will effectively harm them.
4. Gay couples can adopt Chinese children, females of course, which will help the Chinese with their overpopulation issues (of course, this shoots down the “no population spurt in America” theory).
5. Michael Jackson will finally be able to run for president.
6. Catholic priests will finally be able to get married.
7. When you bring your “buddy” home for the weekend, you won’t have to sleep in separate rooms.
8. The term “Dike” will only be used in New Orleans and the Netherlands.
9. Gays can finally hold hands while they’re playing Bingo at the VFW.
10. Prison bitches will be able to draw a pension when they’re released.
11. Rosie will finally lose her attitude.
12. Ellen can stop dressing like a guy.
13. Military barracks will finally become family dwellings.
14. Elton John can become a Duchess.
15. Sex changes can finally be covered by health insurance.
These are just a few of the positive benefits of allowing gay marriages. I’m sure there are more, but I’m tired and I must hit the sack. Tomorrow Ralph and I are going to Church. Of course, we’ll sit in different pews. He’s a nursing mother you know.
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