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Sept. 7, 2005 Back in 2000 "Survivor" was a novelty and a ratings smash, but with a new reality series being created every time you flush the toilet, the show has grown a little bit stale. In a bid to bring a little bit of excitement to "Survivor", the producers have persuaded the Rev. Jerry Falwell to be a contestant in the next installment of the hit series. As the leader of the "Bible Thumper Tribe", Jerry Falwell will match wits with the Rev. Al Sharpton and his "Pompadour Tribe". In an interview with Larry King, the televangelist boasted he is the perfect contestant for the venerable reality series: "It's all about forming alliances, and in my bid to make America a Christian nation, I've had some pretty strange bedfellows. I'll whisper "sweet nothings" in the Rev. Al's ear, if it will help me win. Shucks, I'll even tell him that I hope Tawana Brawley marries my grandson." Each contestant was allowed to bring only one personal possession to "Holy Ghost Island", the Rev. Falwell brought along his giant-size Bible. "I've used this baby to beat down on gays, pagans, feminists and assorted liberals. I will use God's Word to thump the BeJesus out of that "so-called Rev." Sharpton and his ungodly posse." Larry King asked Jerry Falwell, "What if there is a Richard Hatch like gay character with a penchant for prancing around in the nude?" Falwell indignantly responded, "I'll baptize him, and hold his head under water, until he is converted to Jesus and learns to walk without a limp wrist." Oddsmakers who remember how ruthless Jerry Falwell was in taking over Jim Bakker's PTL ministry, have installed him as the overwhelming favorite. ------------ About the author: Robert Paul Reyes is a columnist for the Lynchburg Ledger and has written over 100 articles for Useless-Knowledge.com. Email: rreyes4966@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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