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Oct. 31, 2005 I am writing this in between giving out candy to my neighbor's kids. Tonight is Almond Joy and Mounds miniatures night. I am hoping they will leave me with some left overs. I love to munch chocolate with a cold glass of milk. Mmmm....don't you? In the spirit of Halloween, I am here to offer my suggestions to those who are wondering what costume to wear that would fit their accomplishments this year. Here are my tongue in cheek selections. Fasten your masks and hop on your broomsticks, my lovely readers... The Dutch Forensic Lab, Aruban investigative team and Arlene Shiffer, cleavage journalist....Moe, Larry and Curly. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! President George Bush. He sure is looking a lot like Alfred E. Newman lately, isn't he? (Except, I think he is beginning to WORRY!) Joran Van der Sloot. Let's go for the opposite effect here. How about dressing him up as a normal guy who is not sexually dysfunctional, has no addictions and respects.... women. Madonna. Let's go for one of her early songs that never truly represented her. She can trick or treat like a...virgin. The Houston Astros Team....they can go as bats. Jesse Jackson as Marcel Marceau? We can only DREAM! Al Gore can show up at the party disguised as Oliver in, "Love Story." If no one believes him, he can come back disguised as the Internet. If that fails... he can always come back as a hanging chad. And, for a last resort...a Supreme Court Justice. (But, he will NEVER come back as a Presidential candidate!) Vice-President Cheney can be a ventriloquist. His dummy? Start with the Oval Office and work your way down. There will be a line... Hillary Clinton can masquerade as anything genuine. Of course, she does that daily. Cindy Sheehan. She can go handcuffed to Dopey the Dwarf. (Am I only one who sees a physical and intellectual resemblance there?) Rush Limbaugh and Willard Scott can go as brothers separated at birth. Amazing how their careers as carnival barkers turned out similar, isn't it? Bill Clinton can go in drag. That way he can have sex with himself and not hurt any more women. And, finally...Useless Knowledge can go as a responsible journalistic website which is respected by Google and all other search engines. After all, it IS Halloween, right? ------------ About the author: Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California. Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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