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Oct. 29, 2005 OK, folks, the first Natalee Holloway addict has entered the room, it’s time to start the intervention healing process. Everyone gather around and prepare yourselves for a battle of wills – addicts are, unfortunately, experts at rationalizations but fortunately, time and logic are on our side and we can make this intervention successful and save our fellow contributor. First, we should expect anger from our addict at our “accusation”, then denial, denial, denial. When their pitiful arguments fail to convince anyone, and the truth of our logic shines its light in their face, expect attacks against us. Only after they’ve exhausted their obsession-fueled energy, and we stand between them and the door leading to their keyboard and next “fix”, will we begin to hear any admissions of addiction. I warn you, those admissions will be lies, at first, they just want that keyboard and will promise anything in their desperation. But if we are resolute, and show them the Love of our truth, their fog may clear and the long road to recovery begins. Meri Ulrich, welcome, we’re all here to help you. We think you’re addicted to the Natalie Holloway “circus” and need to see you recovered, for all of our sakes. We understand that you disagree with our diagnosis but after 38 posts on what is, essentially, a dead topic in 45 days, and never going longer than two days without posting a NH article, even the most forgiving among us recognize an addict when they’re standing in front of us with needles sticking out of every appendage. “Wait,” you say, “I’ve posted on other subjects as well.” Yes, 9 times to be exact although one of those, “I am an American,” was almost certainly a defense against those who’ve criticized your NH posts. However, we acknowledge those other posts, they give us even more hope for your recovery, like the fading light of sanity one sees in the eyes of some mental patients. “But the NH case is a mystery,” you rationalize, “with all the elements that typically fascinate mystery lovers, that’s why I write.” No, Meri, your addiction is the mystery. The NH case ceased to be a mystery within days of its occurrence. She’s dead, her murders will escape punishment because of a bungled investigation, and the digested excrement that was her dead body exited the anus of a few sharks, crabs, and other sea scavengers months ago. I apologize for being so blunt but your condition requires “tough love.” “What about those TV commentators that still cover the story? – they prove there is something to this story,” you defiantly rage. Does the existence of drug dealers prove a junkie is not an addict? Do those rows of slot machines prove Granny isn’t out of control? Do all those women who married my father – several of them even being the one he was cheating with on the previous wife – prove he’s not a sex addict? We think not, Meri. But we’ll work on your suppliers next; today we’re here to help you. “Hah, what about all the print articles that my email ‘alerts’ me to?”, you spit, “again, proof that this case deserves my attention.” Junkies do love their company, I agree with you on that. We see the same phenomena with ‘crack houses’, and “swingers clubs”, and Las Vegas, for example. No, Meri, the fact that misery loves company does not make the addict less pitiful. “But why could I still be interested, if not for this being a classic mystery?” Good question, and we’re here today to find out. But you’re going to have to be honest with us. There is a “damsel in distress,” it’s you. The “men on white horses” you see in your delusions, are but men with white lab coats on, and they have one with extra long sleeves for you. “AAARRRGGHH!! Quit that!! All of you!! This case is just darn interesting, that’s all there is to it.” Don’t be angry, Meri, we love you. Those 9 articles you wrote tell us there is a living, breathing person in there somewhere, we only want to spend more time with her. Let her out, rid yourself of this ugly addiction, we’re here to help you. As I wrote to you privately, walk out into the bright sunshine in your city, approach pedestrians on the street, ask them, one after another, “Do you find the Natalie Holloway case fascinating? Don’t you think about it every day and spend hours researching and writing about it?” The answers you need to hear are there, waiting for you. After hearing “No, how crazy, do you do that?” from twenty or thirty people in a row, wouldn’t it convince you that you’ve imagined a fascinating mystery where there is none, or would you keep asking until you finally did find another soul mate from NH hell. Would you then hold up that wretched fellow addict as proof positive of your sanity, rather than understand the truth of those other dozens? “I can write anything I want, I am an American and we have freedom of speech here,” you bluster, waving your flag around. True indeed. And I’ve often argued for the legalization of drugs, just as the addiction to alcohol, gambling, sex, etc. are perfectly legal. We do not claim that you do not have a right to be addicted, if you are determined to waste your life away in uncontrollable pursuit of the next NON-development in the NH case, we are legally prevented from stopping you. I must warn you however, there are cases where insane addicts have been detained for incoherent sputtering in the street – again I refer you to those men in the lab coats. There are rubber rooms across America filled with folks enjoying their freedom of speech. I recommend that you use an alias on line to postpone your imminent all-expense-paid vacation to HappyLand. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Folks, please be patient with Meri; I warned you this would be a slow process. Next, we can expect that lashing out in anger. LOOK OUT! BLOCK THE DOOR; SHE’S TRYING TO ESCAPE!! Whew, that was close. Please sit back down, Meri, we love you. [to be continued] ------------ About the author: Ron Lewis is a software salesman extraordinaire, albeit habitually unemployed, with no significant accomplishments at age 47 other than two wonderfully talented children who take after their mother. All his friends note his keen insight, bad eyesight, doggedly jaded disposition, and rugged bad looks. A third person seems to recall that he talks too much. Email: grnacres@direcway.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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