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Oct. 29, 2005 Superstitions are alive and thriving folks. And I’m not just referring to some long-held superstitions rooted in medieval mythology. For instance, “Breaking a Mirror will bring seven years of bad luck.” This one was spawned because the Romans only saw their reflections in water and believed they were viewing their spirit. (Mirrors had yet to be invented). Any damage to that reflection meant harm to one’s self. After the advent of mirrors whenever one was broken, it was assumed that harm had come to one’s spirit. In those days it was believed that life renewed itself in seven-year increments and if a mirror (your spirit) was broken, it would take seven years for you to (pardon the pun) “get your s—t together.” That's somewhat understandable. But some of the stuff I hear from the mouths of old folks, particular those who were raised in the south, is so weird and self-delusional that I can't help but laugh when I hear it. "Split a pole, split a friendship?" Sheesh. Even in this age of electronics and computer technology, people hold fast to some ideas that are downright asinine. One person wrote at freefind.com: “When I was a child in Detroit, Michigan, fifty years ago, no one dared open an umbrella in the house. It was said that doing so would cause a death in the family. Someone was always around who knew of a case where someone had opened an umbrella in the house and someone else had died...(Now) it is common for people (including me) to leave them open to dry in a corner of a room. Of course, my generation was the first to have the benefit of antibiotics and other effective treatments to prevent sudden death from diseases which were always lurking nearby...” (Roger Zabkie, “Silly Superstitions: What is the source of some of our strangest beliefs?”). I was once told not to step over a bay that was lying on the floor, or I’d “stunt his growth for a year.” Under that scenario, what if I crossed over that kid eighteen times? Does that mean that child would still be that same length at age 18? Some folks believe if you show a toothless child his reflection in a mirror, you will make it hard for him to cut teeth; or if a woman is suddenly frightened by something during pregnancy (such as a spider or snake), she will “mark” her baby. Huh? "We face many important and uncertain challenges, and superstition provides the illusion of control when it's lacking," says Stuart A. Vyse, Ph.D. "Superstitious rituals can reduce tension and give a sense that you're doing what you can to help out." (“Believing in Magic,” Oxford University Press, 2000). But how does this explain my father-in-law’s theory that if your woman buries your drawers in the backyard, you’ll never leave her? I’d guess that most superstition are rooted in coincidence. For instance, I’ve heard older folks (from the south) say, “Bad things come in threes”especially as it pertains to death. Everyone has at least three dead relatives. Case closed, right? Wrong. An uncle dies, then your aunt croaks a week later, and four months hence a cousin dies. Some southerners see a cosmic pattern in that. They fail to realize that eventually death will be dropping in one everyone. I guess they feel better thinking there’s some sort of pattern to death rather than accepting its randomness. Look at it in another light: My maternal grandmother died in 1980; my dad (her son) died in 1981; his son, my brother Brian, died in 1996. That’s death coming in three’s—albeit, sixteen years in the making. (Then again, our dog Bear died in 1984—or does that “law” apply to animals?) In other words, with time and a half-ounce of ignorance, everything can come in threes. Some people think, “Well, Big Jim was struck by a train and lost his leg. Then, Buelah, got her lips ripped off by a wolf; and old Joe—God bless him—was bit in the cajones by a rattlesnake and is now impotent.” No correlation between any of these events, but to a son of the south, this is more than a coincidental triumvirate of bad things—it is divine. So what if during the next week, or month cousin Alfie unknowingly sits on a lit M-80 and blows out his colon? Wouldn’t that be bad things coming in fours? Or would it be the start of a new streak of three bad things? And how could you tell when one bad chain of events ends and another begins? Not all of the superstitions are bad. I’ve heard that if you put a knife under your bed during childbirth your labor pains will be cut in half. (I’m serious, folks). Or finding a penny heads up is “good luck.” (Maybe back in the day when you could still buy something with a penny). Another thing about our friends down yonder is that rhyming somehow lends credibility to their beliefs. “Red sky at night, fisherman’s delight,”etc. So with this in mind, I think I’ll make up my own list of superstitions for use in the 21st century. I figure that mine are as “valid” as the long-held ones. “Wear a fez to a funeral and your first born will be born blind.” “If you hear the hooting of an owl on your first day in prison, you will surely die within a week.” “If you cuss in church, you will be asked to contribute the money you were saving for beer to the church’s building fund.” “Put money in the bank, give God thanks; take money out the bank, eat beans and franks.” “If you empty a mouse trap before going to bed, at some point during the night your children will disturb you.” “If you are left-handed and pluck a chicken on an odd-numbered day, you will grow a rash on your genitals.” “If you play a banjo during a full moon, your garden will flourish during the coming year.” “If your wife suddenly starts playing the harmonica on your daughter-in-law’s birthday, the daughter-in-law is pregnant by one of your sons—and not the one she’s married to.” “If a goat pees on your newborn baby’s blanket, that child will grow up to wield lots of power.” “Rub the milk of a pregnant cat into a child’s scalp three days after its birth and that child will be wise beyond its years.” “If you see your reflection in the toilet bowl the day of your wedding, your marriage will be short and violent.” “Canopy over your bed, good night’s sleep; can of peas under your bed, you’ll be ‘going deep’.” “If your child goes to jail on your birthday, he will spend his entire life there.” “If a crow defecates atop your head while you’re nursing a baby, the child will develop a life-long illness.” “If you eat three prunes before exchanging your wedding vows your marriage will be fruitful.” “If you hear crickets chirping while you are sitting on the toilet, a close relative will develop a health problem.” “Wash after you play, feel good all day; don’t wash after you play, no sex that day.” “He who eats a large bowl of cabbage and works in a confined area, will surely anger his co-workers.” (Okay, this one's not superstition, it's FACT). “If a child sucks his thumb beyond age eight, he will be sneaky and manipulative.” And finally, “Wearing your socks during sex is guaranteed to bring one week of bad luck.” Remember, you read it here first. ------------ About the author: Timothy Stelly is the 46-year old author of "Tempest In The Stone" and "The Malice of Cain". His third novel, "Darker Than Blue" is under consideration for publication. Mr. Stelly currently resides in Pittsburg, California with his three youngest children Dante, Kimberly and Lawrence. Excerpts from The first two books and the first two chapters of his upcoming anthology, "Frankenigga--And Other Urban Tales" can be viewed at: stellbread0.tripod.com Email: stellbread@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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