HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
Nov. 28, 2005 We just finished our turkey. I love to cook, and do it when I can. I always make at least two dishes from the left-over turkey, and this year was no exception. First I take any left-over gravy and make more of it – I sometimes add in chicken broth, or even beef broth or veggie or onion soup. I also add that turkey-juice-jelly that collects at the bottom of whatever dish the turkey is stored in. I have a measuring cup with a “fat spout” for ditching most of the pure fat that floats on top. I'm not sure Satan approves of pouring the fat off – I need to check on that. I thicken if I need too with a bit of wheat flour usually, but sometimes with something more exotic like bean paste (made by simply boiling beans until they smash easily), or mashed potato flakes. If using flour, make sure not to add it to boiling gravy or you get little pieces of cooked flour floating around. I know that the pros would just “cook it down” for hours until it thickens by itself, but I'm not a pro and that wouldn't make enough anyway ;) Into this I add the drier parts of the turkey, usually the part of the bird not sitting in the turkey-jelly and/or the white meat. We eat this over any remaining mashed potatoes and if need be, noodles or rice. With a veggie or fruit side, it makes a very fine meal. The moist left-over bird turns into turkey salad. Mayo, hard boiled eggs, pasta, garlic, salt, pepper, blue cheese salad dressing, bacon bits, pees – any number of ingredients will work. Turkey and mayo alone will make a simple salad that makes good sandwiches. Adding pasta to the salad removes the need for bread and if you add a veggie, you have a self-contained casserole type meal. Now, being an atheist, I've considered mixing urine and blood in with the Thanksgiving meal – into the gravy perhaps? But ya know what? I don't much like the that 'urine and blood taste', besides, that is so 70s. Modern atheists are past all of that “lets do nasty things for Lord Lucifer”. We have other ways of honoring our Master. The strangest thing I sometimes do at thanksgiving is cook cauliflower until it's soft enough to smash. I then press it and squeeze it with paper towels to dry it out as much as possible. I add cheese (parmesan works nicely), butter, milk, salt, garlic and mix until I get something like mashed potatoes, only healthier. Beelzebub approves due to the unhealthy calories added by the butter and cheese. He also appreciates lying to the kids (by making them think they are eating real mashed potatoes). Naturally, we atheists love our Deviled Eggs! I like using a mayonnaise with a bit of bite, like Fleischman's Gourmayo – basically mayo with horseradish. Alternatively, using a nice sharp brown German mustard works too. They are easy enough to make, hard boil some eggs and then carefully cut them in half. I use a pizza cutter and cut around the yolk, keeping them whole. This not only keeps the shells looking nicer, but makes removing the yolks easier. Then separate the white part, which will look like little bowels, from the yolk balls. Into to the container with the yolks, add equal parts mustard and mayonnaise. I sometimes add salt, pepper or some white-mayo like salad dressing too (Ranch, Blue cheese, etc.). Anyway, mix that until it's a very thick liquid and smooth. Thick enough to hold a metal spoon up – you don't want it runny. Spoon it into a zip lock bag and seal. Then, cut (or bite) one corner of the bottom of the bag off and, bingo, you have a nice easy way to squeeze the mixture into the shells. If you want to really make them look sinister, sprinkle some paprika on top – the Father of Lies appreciates that touch, I'm told - sort of looks like his skin, or maybe like lava? Now, for all that I can cook, I can't really bake worth anything. My mom can – she's Christian. Is there a connection? Her baked German cheesecake is so good, it has to involve at least angelic assistance, if not something from another immortal being higher up. A poor Hell-bound sap like myself can only make a semi-decent, non-bake, cheesecake. Mix equal parts room-temp cream cheese with whipped cream. Two sticks of cream cheese is usually good, and add in two tablespoons of lemon juice and one teaspoon of vanilla extract. Mix until smooth and spoon into a graham cracker crust. The crusts are easy enough to make if you have butter and graham crackers, but also easy and cheap to buy, and you get a pie shell included. Pop the pie into the fridge when done and eat cold. This makes a very fast, very easy and very delicious pie. See how subtle the Devil is? Sure, it's not as good as a Christian baked cheesecake, but it's much easier, faster, and probably has many more calories per spoonful. It's downright wicked, you might say. ------------ About the author Frederick Smith: I enjoy writing about the positive virtues of humanism - humanists are the good guys. I now have a blog that I will start to increasingly maintain and update. Here is the link: fredsuberview.blogspot.com/ This is my second foray into the UK writing discordia. This time around, I want to be a tad more raw - maybe a bit edgier (does that sound "art-see"?) Maybe I'll address even more issues that most Americans consider taboo... About my personal background and life: I was born, I got some education, worked, ate, and had some kids. It seems I like to write � something that was unknown to me until relatively recently...How's that for detail? ;) Hate mail is welcome unless you are from the Army Of God. Please! It's not that I mind seeing pictures of aborted fetuses in my inbox, but once you've seen one you've pretty much seen them all... Email: dahlek65@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
