Where Are You Christmas?

Articles

Where Are You Christmas?

By Kaycee Nilson
Nov. 28, 2005

As you are aware, I have been battling chronic back pain since 2002. The first set of doctors I worked with had me convinced that what I had was a slipped disk.

Two orthopedic surgeons later along with three sets of X-Rays, and I find out that I do not have a ruptured disk at all. I have a condition called “Spondylolysis.” The third orthopedic surgeon showed me on the X-Ray what it was and what it meant. It is a fracture in the bone itself and at first it was just a hairline fracture, but now, because of the miss-diagnosis and the physical therapies I have been under, the break has become larger and it traps my syatic nerve for the left leg.

But to make matters worse than the fact that I will have to live with a broken bone in my back, is that my oldest child promised she would be with me for Christmas. Now my oldest son is going to his father’s house instead.

We put up our Christmas tree and all the decorations from years past and the new ornaments that the boys and I have been working on since August. During which, we had the DVD of ”How The Grinch Stole Christmas,” starring Jim Carrey. Just as we had finished and shut off the living room lights, the ending song that goes “Where are you Christmas? Why can’t I find you?” came on. It mirrored my feelings at that moment. It took all my will to not cry my eyes out.

I used to believe in Christmas and miracles and happy family sitting around the tree and the house filled with the smell of the holiday meal cooking and the sounds of happy children. But I guess that those dreams will only remain in my memories.

The permanent back damage, the high cholesterol, the Bi-Polarism I can live with. What I cannot deal with is going through the motions of trying to make a happy Christmas for the children that the holiday requires since I feel hollow inside.

------------

About the author: Kaycee Nilson has completed her first novel, "Night Falls on Chicago." The first two chapters can be viewed at http://www.KayceeNilson.com.

Besides writing columns for Useless-Knowledge, Kaycee is currently working on two more novels, "From the Mind of a Vampire", and "I'll Love You Til You Die."

If you have enjoyed what you read, or would like to leave Kaycee a message, please visit her message board at http://www.KayceeNilson.com/Board

Email: Kaycee@kayceenilson.com

Tell a friend about this site!

------------

All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal).