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Nov. 25, 2005 When someone has Alzheimer's disease or one of the many forms of dementia they lose the ability to understand that there are boundaries between themselves and other people. Normally, if you are around a stranger, you would not walk up to them and tell them the story of your life. You would not approach a person cleaning your home with a bunch of old pictures of yourself as a young Airman in the Army Air Corp, (the forerunner to the modern Airforce) and spend a half hour showing them pictures of you standing beside your crew and your plane. You would not do this especially if they could not speak a word of English. You would normally respect a person's "space" and give them privacy and not intrude on what they were doing or saying. Sadly, Alzheimer's disease removes the ability to know what boundaries are and there is a failure to understand what you have known all of your life about when and where to approach people. I have had to come to terms with many changes while learning to be a care-giver but I think that the most difficult part of it is watching someone that you care about and have always counted on to act a certain way change into someone you hardly recognize anymore. Someone who can actually embarrass you and when you realize that you are feeling that way you feel guilt. It's really very complicated and it tests everything you've ever learned about being patient and understanding toward your fellow human beings. I also have learned that when I was a Nurse and cared for people with dementia I was ALWAYS patient and I never got short-tempered or embarrassed. When it's your spouse, things are different and they cut deeper and more feelings are involved than with someone you leave behind at the end of the day. It was so much easier to be a Nurse than a care-giving spouse. I can't leave him behind nor do I want too. I can't walk away and go back to my normal life because none exists. The patient/spouse IS my normal life now and that's very difficult to deal with. If I ever come to a full understanding of what this all means or how to handle it with dignity and tolerance I will give advice that has meaning to others who are walking in my shoes. Until then I will merely tell you to remember the old saying, "There but for the grace of God go I" and realize that it could be you being cared for and you who must depend on another person to watch out for you. I will also tell you that there is no shame in losing patience because there is this tendency to try and fix the person and eventually you realize that you can't. When you get to that moment in time.....you will be where I am right now, today. There is one simple remedy that I can pass on though. If you loved the person you are caring for and respected his/her dignity than that should NEVER change no matter how different they may become. If you can maintain those feelings and show them than you will be successful at care-giving no matter what your other shortcomings may be. It is important to remember that the individual you are taking care of felt the same way about you and probably still does...only in a different way. The worst thing you could take away from someone who has already lost so much is the love, respect and dignity that they have always received. They have the right and the need to carry those things with them to the end. ------------ About the author: Meri has a Medical/Legal background and is a former forensic researcher specializing in psychological profiling. https://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.asp?bookid=27335 Email: writers2@cox.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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