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Nov. 16, 2005 Spam is on the rise again. I have two email accounts and each of them are averaging way over 100 spam advertisements per day. I have pressed “Remove Me” links and “Opt Out” links, and “What Part Of No Don’t You Understand” links. Have I stopped getting spam? No. I get emails from the “Nigerian Consulate’s Office” wanting to make a deal. I get emails from mortgage companies, perfume companies, automobile salesmen, Christian Singles, book sales, British lotteries, and the list goes on. Both of my accounts have spam filters. Trouble is, I still have to make sure the filters are working. Occasionally my spam-filters, filter important messages for which I am waiting patiently. After all, spam filters aren’t people...are they? Maybe they are. Maybe there’s an elf inside my computer tower making decisions for me, but can elves be judged as competent to filter email? I’m not sure. I’d like to think of myself as a patient man, not overly excitable, but when I receive 200 unwanted emails per day, I get nervous. Mind you, nervous. Not angry over the rainbow or over the top...just nervous. Spam makes me want to smoke a cigarette and/or drink a beer, whichever I happen to have handy. It makes me want to go to Useless-Knowledge and scream at the top of my lungs, “I am Liberal!” Of course, I would never do something like that. It would be so unlike me, because you see I’m not an excitable guy. I apologize. I just had to get the spam-thing off my chest. Now, for the real reason for my column, Useless-Knowledge. It seems unfortunate to me that U-K has been taken off Google News. I think our columnists are becoming restless and downright crabby. Remember, I’m not excitable, but it just appears to me there has been a great deal of bickering and overly critical pieces on our little cyberspace insane asylum. Now that wouldn’t bother me generally, but it’s the spam you see. It’s making me nervous.
I think if Google News would take us back into their all-powerful arms again, we would start writing for the public again. You know, it would take our minds off of each other. We wouldn’t grumble so much about our fellow-writers. You see, I don’t see columnists on the “Washington Post” knocking each others’ presentations, but hey...they get paid. I don’t see columnists on my local newspaper, “The Pharos Tribune” dissecting each other, eviscerating each others’ opinions like entrails from a pig’s cadaver. You know what I mean? They’re part of team. But, hey...I’m a patient person. I’m not excitable...just nervous about spam.
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