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Nov. 29, 2004 Most homes have bathtubs, but very few Americans take baths. Americans prefer to take showers -- they are utilitarian, efficient and quick! That's insanity! That's like owning a computer and using it only to play solitaire. There are many advantages to taking a bath. I don't like to start my day by stripping naked and stepping into a torrential downpour. I'd much rather step into a tub and let the gentle still water soothe my aching bones. Taking a shower is a claustrophobic experience that cuts you off from the world. Your teen-age son could set off a pipe bomb in your garage and you wouldn't hear it -- if you are in the shower. How many important phone calls have you missed because you were taking a shower? You may have missed out on the Publishing Clearinghouse and that oversized check because you were in the damn shower. I can hear some of you saying, "But taking a shower is so much quicker!" Some things in life were meant to be move at a snail's pace. Cleansing yourself should be a luxuriating, relaxing and calming experience. Would you brag about how quick it took you to have sex with your wife? Taking a bath allows you the privilege of multitasking. You can marinate in a tub and listen to music, read a novel or contemplate your navel. When was the last time you read the newspaper while taking a shower? Taking a bath is much more romantic than jumping into a shower. If you walk into the restroom and find your girlfriend taking a bubble bath and you see a little (use your imagination) peeking from the bubbles -- chances are that you will be consumed with passion and nine months later you will be a proud dad. On the other hand if you walk into the bathroom while your beloved is taking a shower all you will see is an outline that barely resembles a human being. You might be inspired to brush your teeth, but you certainly won't be waxing erotic. Taking a bath places your body in a peaceful non- threatening posture -- like a cat with her four little paws in the air. Taking a shower puts you in an aggressive posture -- like an angry gorilla being hosed down in his cage by the zookeeper. I doubt if any incidents of road rage have ever been perpetrated by kind souls who take baths instead of showers. My dear fellow Americans, improve your hygiene, elevate your consciousness, kick your sex life into overdrive and fight terrorism -- by taking a bath. ------------ About the author Robert Paul Reyes: I am a columnist for the Lynchburg Ledger. Email: rreyes4966@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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