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Nov. 23, 2004 One of my most recent articles was about Bryan, the new boyfriend, and how happy I was and how great I felt. Boy, did that end quick. The pendulum has swung in the other direction. Suddenly I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells around him. He doesn't laugh or joke anymore, he barely even smiles. But he complains... alot. The biggest complaint is my smoking. I tried to quit smoking. Oh Lord, did I try! Unfortunatly, I lost this round with the nicotine, and have gone back to the cigs. But I did try. I went from a pack a day to one a day. I am smoking on a regular basis again, about 10 a day, with the intentions of trying to quit again soon. But the guilt trip that he sends me on everytime I light up, makes me want to light another. He won't be in the same room with me, anyone else who smokes he'll stay in the room, just not with me. He won't talk to me, he won't hug me or kiss me or even touch me. It sucks!! I tried. I failed, but I tried. He's also very, very easily annoyed. Doesn't like too much noise, which is insane because I have two small children. His entire day can be thrown off if the computer doesn't run right. He doesn't like to wrestle around, which is something I love doing. He doesn't like to joke and HATES the fact that I have girl talk with my friends. What's a girl to do? The other thing that is bad, very bad in many people's eyes in his loud verbal stance on my being on medication or going to therapy. He truly believes I shouldn't do either. He thinks that if I try really, really hard, the bipolar disorder and OCD will just go away. Which would be lovely, but I don't think it's quite that easy or I would've done it already. I know I generally write about very personal things in my articles. And I think that's because I get such wonderful advice in the emails I get. I'm like the little kid with the school girl crushes looking to her big siblings on what to do next. It's odd, but in a strange way it helps. I appreciate all of you guys who take time to read my little ramblings and hope I don't annoy or offend anyone, something I never want to do to anyone at anytime. I guess I'm having another confused L.J. moment where nothing makes sense and I'm sitting back wondering, truly, truly wondering, did I make the wrong decision and can I fix it? Oh God, what to do. ------------ About the author L.J. Chapman: I am a twenty-four year old mother of two and self-proclaimed, practicing "Christian-Buddhist" from Massachusetts. I am going to be going to college for journalism and I am hoping to complete my yet to be titled novel by early Spring 2005. Email: snowboarderspixiegirl8@hotmail.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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