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Nov. 14, 2004 Every once in awhile you are sitting in front of the computer trying to figure out what to write and someone comes up to you, someone you love and care about, and he/she gives you a kiss for no reason whatsoever. And you can't help but smile because you realize for the first time in a long time, if ever, someone really, really loves you for who you are. And that's a nice feeling. Every once in awhile you are completely uninspired and you can't think of anything to write about and you're not quite sure if you even want to write. Then all of a sudden out of the blue you are hit in the back of the head with an idea, a nagging idea that won't let you go until you type it out or put it down on paper. If you will amuse me, here is my nagging thought. I have a mildly passive aggressive lifestyle. Actually that is a lie, I have an excessive passive aggressive lifestyle. I am definatly a doormat to the highest degree. If someone in my life says jump, I say how high. I don't necessarily like it, but it's the way I am. I want to be somewhere, or even someone, else, but I can't right now, for one reason or another. I didn't have any fight left in me, and even though I can feel the urge to run away, or just be anywhere but here, I don't do it. I don't have the inspiration to. Or rather I didn't have the inspiration to. Now I do. And my inspiration is 5'10" with blue eyes and a killer smile. He likes me because I understand where he is coming from. He loves me because I love him for who he is. And now he has it in his head that I deserve better than all this. And I'm not just talking better clothes or a better car... I'm talking whole new lifestyle. I mean house, car, learn to ski, go to college, be something more than who I've become. He doesn't make me a better person because I'm with him. He makes me want to become a better person just because I know him. It's amazing. I quit smoking cigarettes for no other reason than to be able to live long enough to retire with this human being. A person who has never ever asked me to be anything other than what I am. He's the first and only person who loves me for me, not for some idealistic fantasy that he wants me to be. There are no expectations. There are no preset standards that I have to live up to. There's just this person who wakes up every morning, turns over and smiles for no other reason than the sheer fact that I exsist. That, my friends, is the most awesome feeling you could have next to having a baby. To be good enough for something and/or someone that you never in a million years thought would give you the time of day let alone love you. He asks me what do I want to be, what do I dream about, what are my desires. It's scary as hell, but oh so beautiful. So I say, to the world and everyone who is in it, I am in love, parents be damned, I am in love. I don't care about how much time it's supposed to take or who says what about it, I love him. It's wonderful. And the best part of it? He loves me back, just as much as I love him. "I can't go with you and stay where I'm at, so you move me." ------------ About the author L.J. Chapman: I am a twenty-four year old mother of two and self-proclaimed, practicing "Christian-Buddhist" from Massachusetts. I am going to be going to college for journalism and I am hoping to complete my yet to be titled novel by early Spring 2005. Email: bipolar_bear80@hotmail.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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