Are We Getting The Hang Of This Election Thing Or What?

Articles

Are We Getting The Hang Of This Election Thing Or What?

By Matthew Bastian
Nov. 10, 2004

There will be no recounts this time, no appeals to the Supreme Court, and no debates over the popular vote vs. the Electoral College. And, thankfully, it only took a day to declare the winner (are we getting the hang of this election thing or what?).

This time, much to the chagrin of John Kerry supporters and Bush haters everywhere, it's legitimate.

And joining about 55 million American voters in their disappointment over Bush, Act II will be upwards of 75% of our friends in the Old World.

Indeed, many Europeans are downright appalled at our choice for president. For the life of them, they cannot fathom how anyone in their right mind would cast a vote for George W Bush. Who could pull a lever or dimple a chad for that arrogant, closed-minded, right wing, zealously religious, war-mongering, lying nut of a cowboy?

Me.

I'm not sure how to explain it to them, but I'll give it a try.

Despite some doubts over President Bush, John Kerry simply did not present a palatable - or believable - alternative to the majority of Americans.

I can't put my finger on it. Maybe we didn't quite believe a guy who said, ad nauseum, that he had `a plan.' A plan to get out of Iraq and a plan to stay in Iraq; a plan to recruit two more divisions for the Army and a plan to double the special forces; a plan to cut health insurance premiums and a plan to expand health care coverage; a plan to `strengthen' Social Security and a plan to lower the deficit; a plan to make college affordable and a plan to lower the price of prescription drugs.

All to be paid for, apparently, simply by rolling back the tax cuts on households making more than $200,000 per year.

That's one heck of a plan. Hannibal Smith of "The A-Team" would be jealous.

Maybe we didn't buy Kerry's version of `tax cuts.' Money taken from all tax-payers and given out to certain groups based off of government-selected criteria is not a tax cut. We call that `income redistribution.' It may play well in socialist democracies of Europe, but we aren't too fond of that model.

Maybe we resented the fact that the glitterati of the entertainment world were out for Kerry in such force. Quite frankly, Bruce Springsteen should focus on raspy songs about New Jersey and Ben Affleck should stick to making crappy movies. (Here's another tip: keep fawning over Michael Moore's celluloid turds at Cannes every year, and you will nearly guarantee a Republican lock on the White House.)

Maybe we didn't know what to make of the man who called the current coalition in Iraq `coerced and the bribed,' yet insists he's got the international pull to get more countries involved - by holding a summit. Ah, yes: everybody loves a summit (even countries whose efforts you have denigrated, apparently). As if long tables topped with bottled water and little notepads emblazoned `Sheraton Damascus' will bring Germany and France into the Iraqi fray. (Perhaps the French would be stirred to arms if we said Al-Qaeda was threatening to increase their workweek to 37 hours?)

Maybe we didn't quite trust a guy whose campaign theme seemed to be "I fought in Vietnam...and now I'm not George Bush." See, there was a fuzzy, if undistinguished, thirty years in between that went both unexplained by Kerry and, conveniently, unexamined by the mainstream media (but CBS still hunts feverishly for those Bush dental records!).

And maybe, just maybe, there is a huge swath of this country (the `red' states) that takes a little comfort in having a sitting president who, despite his many flaws (even I cringe at `nuke-ular'), obviously shares their values when it comes to faith and family.

Like it or not, these states are largely populated by honest, hard-working folk who go to church every Sunday, bowl every Wednesday, and think Jeff Foxworthy deserves his own TV channel. And they bristle when the readers of foreign newspapers try to tell them how to vote (I'm talking to you, `The Guardian.').

Simple folk? Maybe. Stupid? Don't count on it. Sophisticated does not mean intelligent, nor is the converse true.

That same, patronizing snobbishness that we hate to get from the coastal liberal elites here is no more palatable from across The Pond. And as long as the Democrats continue to dismiss, belittle, and outright ignore the values of America's heartland, they will take a drubbing in national elections, even against a vulnerable opponent like Bush.

So, to our friends in Europe: with no apologies, we have made our choice. You may not like it, but we hope you can live with it.

For those who can't, well...then we're happy to disappoint you.

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About Matthew Bastian: Recovering socialst, part-time drummer, long-suffering Brewers fan, and all-around beach hound, Mr. Bastian lives in central New Jersey. Email Matthew Bastian: mbastian19@hotmail.com

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