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May 30, 2005 My parents served as foster parents to seven boys on top of having three children of their own. I never realized until I was about 8 or 9 that the seven were not my natural brothers but foster brothers. I never questioned why we had such a large family, I just accepted it. My favorite brother of all was one of the foster brothers, Jimmie. Jimmie would take me on all his dates. Oh sure all the other older boys would take me on their dates, but it was usually to dinner or to the bowling alleys. Jimmie would take me and his dates to the drive-in movie theaters. There I would see scary movies like “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “Willard.” And every other horror movie that came out in the early 1970’s, thanks to Jimmie. He would also buy me the largest soft drink, the biggest popcorn and as much candy as my heart desired. Then he would take two blankets and put them in the spot next to the car, somehow he would fold them so I didn’t feel the pavement under me and he would take the speaker off the pole and let it hang down as far as it would go. He would build me a fort with pillows and cardboard boxes. In this fort would be me, my food and as many stuffed animals as I could bring along with me. I was in kid nirvana. If I got scared during the movie and scream my fool head off, Jimmie would immediately jump out of the car and peek in on me and say, “It’s ok little sis, it’s just a movie and big brother is just a few steps away.” I also remember the dresses he would buy for me to wear to church. Oh these were not just any dresses, these dresses were pastel colors and had ruffles upon ruffles. Plus he would find the gloves and socks with the ruffles to match. He loved to see me in those frilly dresses with my hair in curls and the matching gloves, socks and my little pocketbook purse on Sunday mornings on our way to church. Of course I had to sit in his lap during the sermons or I would not be happy and I would stand in the aisle and dance to the music that the choir would sing. Then the day came when the eldest boy in our family got drafted to go to Vietnam. The other 5 boys enlisted to go. The next to eldest boy couldn’t go because he had contracted polio when he was a baby and one of the foster brothers decided to stay at home with him so he wouldn’t be alone. What killed me was Jimmie was going away. I didn’t understand why at the time. I threw myself across my bed because I was only 4 almost 5 at the time and I cried my heart out. A part of me knew I would never see Jimmie again. Mom and Dad and the two boys tried for days, weeks and months on end to console me. But nothing that was said or done could stop the river of tears that flowed every night. My foster brother and biological brother that stayed behind would still take me on their dates, but it wasn’t the same. They would even drive me into the city to the “Jack-In-The-Box” and tempt me with my favorite foods from there, tacos. They even bought me pretty dresses like Jimmie used to do, but they were no replacement for my Jimmie. During that time, the two boys spoiled me outrageously with toys and expensive dolls that they worked two jobs apiece to gain the money to get. But the only thing that made me happy were the letters that Jimmie would write to just me. I loved his letters because they were lighthearted and full of descriptions of the plants and animals he saw. The U.S. Government read every G.I.’s letter home to make sure that our boys were not revealing their locations if in case the letters were to fall in enemy hands. The other boys would write to Mom and Dad and their letters were more serious, but I didn’t like listening to them. Those letters scared me the most, even more than the movies that Jimmie used to take me to see. But Jimmie’s letters were funny and lighthearted and now looking back, I think he did that on purpose to not scare anyone as to how serious it really was over there. We saw how bad it was on the television and every night we lit candles and prayed for our boys that were in Vietnam. But to have Jimmie’s letters that poked fun of the flowers and animals made a different side to the “Police Action.” Then the day came when his letters stopped coming, and what all families that had someone they loved the most in Vietnam happened. A General showed up at our house to inform us that Jimmie had died in the line of duty for his country. He was a hero for fighting for his country and how proud we must be for him. How could I be proud of a country that stole my happy childhood and my brother away from me? How could I be proud that I would no longer have my forts at the drive-in? No more would I have the best brother and best friend that any little girl could ever hope for, but instead I would have an emptiness inside that the other boys failed miserably to this day to fill. Everyone that tried to reach through my sea of sorrow and loneliness failed miserably. The only thing I knew was that I hated the Government for taking Jimmie away from me and I hated the people of some country called Vietnam for killing him. I knew what death was, I had goldfish that died, but this was my brother. I don’t think I ever got over Jimmie’s death and even as I type this, hot tears of sorrow are sliding down my cheeks as I remember his voice even though it’s been 31 years ago. To this day, I cannot watch a movie about Vietnam without shaking; wondering if that is how Jimmie died. But to this day, every Memorial Day, I find a place were I can be alone, I light a candle, and I say a prayer for my guardian angel for in my heart I know that Jimmie is still watching over me and smiling down from his own special cloud in heaven. I Love You Jimmie, and miss you so bad that it still hurts after all these years. ------------ About the author: Kaycee Nilson has completed her first novel, "Night Falls on Chicago." The first two chapters can be viewed at http://www.KayceeNilson.com. Besides writing columns for Useless-Knowledge, Kaycee is currently working on two more novels, "From the Mind of a Vampire", and "I'll Love You Til You Die." If you have enjoyed what you read, or would like to leave Kaycee a message, please visit her message board at http://www.KayceeNilson.com/Board Email: Kaycee@kayceenilson.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. 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