HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
May 11, 2005 I was scrolling along the worst 100 movies according to the "Internet Movie DataBase." What amazes me about movies today is that any movie you see is either a remake of an older film, a sequel or prequel, or a film about knights, wizards, or Jesus himself. Don’t get me wrong, I like movies, but I would really love to see a movie with an original title and an original plot with new actors instantly turned into stars. Wonder why some movies are so horrible? Because they ARE a sequel, a prequel, a remake of an older film, etc. I think another reason why movies aren’t the same anymore is because of the timing of films, let’s be honest, Hollywood is like a University or the record industry; it’s all about making money, not making movies, educating people, or making great music. Let me give you insight on why these familiar "bottom" movies were horrible. "From Justin to Kelly" #3 worst film of all time - it flopped because of overexposure, not to mention it was too bubble gum that is so sweet it makes your teeth rot. Kelly Clarkson can barley sing, what made her think she could act? Justin "whatever his last name is" is as goofy as his hair, and therefore, he can’t act either. Why did they make this movie? Money. The studio thought it could cash in on the cash cow known as Paula’s Idol, err, I mean American Idol. "Son of the Mask" #17 worst film of all time - it flopped because of one thing. NO Jim Carrey and babies don’t sell movies. Let’s be honest, people go to movies to escape reality, so they want to get away from the work, school, bills, and yes, even CHILDREN. Why would you shove it down their throat in a WACKY way? Not to mention the story was horrible. I would love to meet the screenwriter who wrote this, so I could slap him for writing such a crappy movie. "You got Served" #19 worst film of all time - Five words. ENOUGH WITH THE DANCE FILMS! Men in a dance off to take out their aggression? No way?! I thought it was called a Mosh Pit. "Gigli" #33 - Do I need to explain why this movie flopped? I might as well. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, at the time, were known as the power couple Beniffer. However, people OUTSIDE Hollywood, like the mid-west, and the east coast, were SICK, TIRED, BORED, and MURDEROUS over this power couple. People watching the news were watching the couple like it was an episode of the Truman Show. Why did this movie flop? Two words: Ben and Jen. Good job, guys. The one thing I never did understand about movies is, not only is Hollywood going through remakes of films, but we are also getting films based on old television shows. "Mr. And Mrs. Smith" - From the CBS tv show back in 1996. Stars the sultry yet slutty Angelina Jolie, who by the way, is a part of the reason why Brad and Jen are divorced. Naughty naughty! Of course Brad should have been a real man and kept his word of marriage to Jen, but "he’s only a man, right?" Pansy. Anyway, the previews look like any other Angelina and Brad movie. Same crap, different movie. "The Dukes of Hazzard" - starring "Jackass" Johnny Knoxville, Dumbblonde bimbo, Jessica Simpson, and Sean William Scott, the guy that got pissed on in American Pie. Not to mention Burt Reynolds as "Boss Hogg" and Willie Nelson as "Uncle Jesse". I’m not a big fan of Dukes of Hazzard, but I will say this. Just by the cast alone, it makes me laugh. If this movie makes it to #1 on the box office, it will surly be #1 as the WORST FILM EVER! Jessica Simpson? Please, she’s no Daisy Dukes, maybe a Daisy Dud. Is Luke going have kids kick him in the testicles in the movie, or pour feces all over his body? Because that is what Knoxville is famous for. And Bo....did you lose your car again? Maybe you should call Ashton Kutcher and find it before you get PUNK’D. Burt as Boss Hogg? Give me a break, I thought Boss Hogg was FAT! This is worse than having Michael Clarke Duncan as the Kingpin, DESPITE THE KINGPIN BEING WHITE! "I dream of Jeannie" - Kate Hudson as Jeannie... Oh boy.... First of all, the movie, BAD IDEA! The casting, EVEN WORSE! Why does Hollywood want to start this "tv show to film" trend? It’s not going to work. No one wants their tv shows besmirched by such bad actors turned stars. These movies are guaranteed to bomb; therefore, MONEY LOST! "Bewitched" - Nicole Kidman and Will Farrell? Don’t make me laugh. Oh wait, did you read the plotline? Apparently, it’s NOT remake...oooooohhhh....the plot is a producer remaking the sitcom is using an actual witch to play the role of Sam. Wow, that just makes the movie WORSE! That’s like making Halloween 3 or Jason goes to hell where the main character is not even in the movie. Don’t these Hollywood idiots realize they need NEW stars, NEW ideas, and NEW movies? I mean, here’s an idea, READ SOME BOOKS! Clockwork Orange, a novel, turned into an Oscar worthy movie. The Godfather, a novel, turned into perhaps the greatest movie of all time. Jurassic Park, a novel, turned into one of the top grossing films of all time. Lord of the Rings, novel, turned into a trilogy worthy of being an Oscar Champion. Some of the BEST ideas come from novels, not from the television, not from remakes, not from big name stars, but from books about passionate characters that we either love or we hate. Anymore, it’s about the whole cast, instead of the main character. I think Hollywood had better wake up and gamble on some new ideas, because with the cost of admission in movies, overexposed actors, and trailers that reveal too much that you can pretty much predict the outcome of the movie itself, Hollywood is going to lose a lot of revenue if they don’t start taking chances with new ideas. HOLLYWOOD! TRY SOMETHING NEW! ------------ About the author Eric Schomburg: Useless-Knowledge Columnist of the year 2004. An Apocalyptic Dream is now out for purchase. Check out both books at http://www.geocities.com/schomburg2002. Email: schomburg2002@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
