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June 29, 2005 My parent's were alcoholic's and the accompanying abuse that goes with it was ever-present. Now that they have died, it's bewildering the emotions that are coming from all sides of the remaining family about every little detail. Grief starts to almost become tiered in levels of difficulty as well as the tears of emotion that find one amidst the mistral wind of pain that hits one when the loss of a parent is experienced. It's not pretty and you know as a child it won't be, yet people choose what they choose for their life yet it still hits like a baseball bat when you get the news of what's happened. My parents were driving and they had a run-in with an eighteen wheeler. The delivery truck hit them and didn't stop. They drove almost half an hour before deciding to return. I guess they figured they wouldn't be able to hide that they had had an accident. Meanwhile, my dad was on the side of the road and my stepmother and the windshield met each other in a bad way. So much for air bags... I remember being a child and my dad telling us, "Ya know, when I go, I want to be scattered on this lake," where we frequently went boating and where he loved to fish. I'm glad he said it in front of all three of us kids, because suddenly we had decisions to make and that request came flashing back. There is quite a mixture of religous background due to Irish, French and Native American in my family so I was struggling at first with what to say for a eulogy. Plus, the enmity I found among survivors to be amazingly vehement. Demands were made and expected like it was just a casual thing to do, despite my father's expressed wishes. I felt nervous, upset and confused until we got to the lake and only one refused to come down to the "heathen ceremony." Picking up my father's ashes - and they can be quite heavy as I've never lifted a box of them before - I followed my instincts and waded into the lake. All the writing I had done was no longer necessary. A moment of quiet, facing away from those on the shore, and I knew what to say. Turning, I addressed them and it was alright. It was a windless day and no boats were out, but suddenly there were waves after I was done speaking. One of my uncles, whispered loud enough, "There are no boats...I didn't see a boat...this is wierd." I heard my sibling say, "Hi daddy..." as the waves went from mild lappings, to white capped slappings against the shore. One can say what one wants, but it sure hushed the crowd, even more. What do you say in language at something like that anyway? Especially after people have been fighting over what things they want and what they expect and or were demanding to get. It has been a strange pain to have to deal with as far as family being pushy, memories loving and confusing at the same time and trying to return to work and life as if everything is okay after a few days off. It doesn't feel okay and us three kids have reacted strongly and each in our own way. The uniqueness of individual souls really becomes apparent at a time like this and I'm not explain why. It just shows itself in the reactions of each of us and I don't know where the abiltiy to sleep went. Guess that takes a while. Alcoholism, suddeness and uncertainty make for strange partners. I sit here writing this just to vent. After that, I'm really kind of at a loss that I haven't even begun to comprehend. Choose wisely and well how you treat your family, is about all I can say. For we all have our day where we look the other side in the face and leave others behind. Their emotions will make them do strange things and they seem to linger for a while and provoke every emotion you can think of. If you are one of the surviving relatives, gentleness is much appreciated. Enmity adds to the hurt. ------------ About the author: Phoenix Morric is a published poet, working on first novel and has some ezine articles/reviews up to peruse. Currently she is working on her first novel and shopping for an agent. http://profiles.myspace.com/users/7934995 is also a site with my poetry and an interview of The Indigo Girls I did in July of last summer. Inquiries please to Morricpoet88@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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