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June 27, 2005 Having foisted himself on Iran as its new Presidente, using clever people manipulation techniques even an experienced American pol would admire, Teheran Mayor Mahmoud Ahmadinejad vowed to make the poverty stricken country into a strong and exemplary Islamic state with promises reminiscent of Joe Hill, the anarchistic, wobbly, criminally revered protest songwriter: To wit, "Long haired preachers come out ev'ry night, Try to tell you what's wrong and what's right; But when asked, how 'bout something to eat, (Let us eat) They will answer with voices so sweet; (Oh so sweet) You will eat, (You will eat) Bye and bye, (Bye and bye) in that glorious land above the sky; (way up high) work and pray, (work and pray) live on hay, (Live on hay) you'll get pie in the sky when you die. (That's a lie)." El Presidente-elect Ahamdinejad has promised malice towards none and charity for all men who are created equal, especially mullahs and others he hangs with. Rest assured, those with patients shall see how long it takes for him to get annoyed and put an end to that. He appears to have an especial interest in all things nuclear as he sees atomic energy as a way of solving both Iran’s and, at the same time, the world’s problems involving heating, lighting, electricity and living. Atomic energy goes directly to the people and solves many, many complicated problems. Joe Hill continued to sing, "And the starvation army they play, And they sing and they clap and they pray.Till they get all your coin on the drum, Then they'll tell you when you're on the bum." The Mullah’s words were an echo of these very sentiments. Poor Iranians just have no money. They have committed moral sins and until they take a bath they will smell and reek to high dudgeon and everywhere else they make their presents known. We want to share our thread bare poverty and other Persian peculiarities. What you share you can share and what you don’t share this government will share for you. If we run out of huts, we shall share mud holes and caves. First courses are not necessary. Grains and grass are plentiful. What is good enough for clean cows is certainly good enough for poor Iranians. We can spread poverty everywhere. Modern civilized progress and precious enjoyable luxuries are not an option. They only cause confusion, pain, suffering unfulfilled desires and are difficult to control, much less get a handle on. It is, therefore, not an option. After all, poverty is its own reward. None of this Christian turn the other cheek nonsense. That’s just too cheesy for macho, macho men too weak from long endless debates over how to deal with reality to realize that it is unreality that is the nightmare. Retro is the way to go. And concerning nuclear heat, the newly elevated El Presidente has pointed out that nuclear piles create warmth and good feelings and is good for what ails you including cooking meat and bbqing irradiated chicken nuggets. "We will drive a steak through the cries of foul, foul, nonsense and bad, bad form," he shouted over a crowd with a devil may care attitude. "Our weenies are going to sizzle in this firestorm!" " Where’s the Beef? What are these Western Satraps worried about. That we will cook pomegranates on nuclear stoves and chew them up and spit it up at them? Let me assure the world we are not, repeat not, going to waste good food without being sure we are not hungry today. And tomorrow. And maybe the day after that. No, hunger goes away but radiation is forever." "I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night Alive as you and me. Says I, "But Joe, you're ten years dead." "I never died," says he. "Joe Hill ain't dead," he says to me. "Joe Hill ain't never died, Where workingmen are out on strike Joe Hill is at their side!" This is my twenty-eight article for Useless-Knowledge and I am thinking about other things to write about including a satire about Solomon for Supreme Court Justice and breaking up the Yankees. Maybe something in support of John Bolton. It appears anyone who posts more than one article a week on the other site I write for, thespoof.com, is prolific, so reality limits my creativity, although I may post something about Dubya running this country on a hot air energy plan. But, interestingly enough, I can composite nifty, intriiguing pictures with a punch, something that does not appear viable on this site. My Portrait of Chucky seems to have vanished into cyberspace. On the other hand, the Yankees have a one game winning streak!! Hip, hip, hurray. Way to go! ------------ About the author: Mr. Neil Levine enjoys writing and collecting autographed letters: E. I. Koch, D. P. Moynihan, J. Javits, G. W. Bush, B. Frist et al. Email: neillevine3@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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