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June 26, 2005 The following is a list. More exact, the following is a list of the top ten most irritating things that I encounter on a daily basis. Are there more than 10 things that annoy me on a daily basis? Of course. But the following ones are guaranteed to make me lunge for my Xanex and my oozie. 1) People who do not say thank you when you hold the door for them. I don't want anything fancy; you do not even have to pronounce all the syllables. Use shorthand. Use hand signals. Make up your own language. Wink. Jump in the air. Bark. Just acknowledge that a person took the time to wait for your freakin' butt to get to the door. 2) Cashiers who do not count your change back to you. Bonus points for bank tellers- whose very existence is centered around COUNTING MONEY. 3) People who will not get out of the left lane even after you have shot out all their tires, gave them the mandatory "I am going to HURT YOU IDIOT" look as you pass them, and cut them off within an inch of their "My child is an honors student- so that means I am a complete idiot who does not know how to get out of the freakin' left lane" bumper sticker ridden SUV. 4) People who voted for "W". Enough said. 5) People who wear lab coats to their jobs and they are not in the medical profession. Biggest violator: Cosmetic Counter Women. You are not a doctor. You are not a scientist. You apply lipstick to desperate housewives who want their husbands to find them sexy again. Take off the lab coat! When you actually cure something other than the occasional pimple, you can put it back on. 6) Employees who do not know the directions to their own place of employment. You call and ask for directions and they NEVER know how to get to where they work, even if you are traveling the same direction that they travel each and every day. You ask what the cross-streets are, and you are met with silence. You ask for a landmark, and you are met with silence. You ask them how they made it to work, and you are met with silence. You ask them why they bother to get up in the morning, and you are met with silence. 7) The so-called "Quick Checkout" lanes in the grocery stores take 10 times longer than the supposedly longer normal lanes. How long does it take to scan 10 items? You are standing in this lane and you look over and the person who was standing in the normal lane next to you- the one who was buying food for the cast and crew of "The Fat Actress"- has already left and is on her way to fill up Kirstie Alley for the eighth time of the day, while you are never, ever going to leave. Bonus points for when you finally gather up enough courage to leave your lane and then your old lane suddenly speeds up and now you are in the "new" slow lane. 8) (In tangent with number seven) Cashiers, salespeople, and costumer service representatives-whatever people who make minimum wage, serve people, and basically have no control over their very existence want to be called these days- who talk excessively with their "customers." When did this trend start? Do they realize that the 50 or so people in line behind them do not give a rats ass about their conversation? WE DON'T CARE! Ring up the sale, collect their money, say "thanks", flash them the mandatory "We LOVE our customers" smile and then push them on their damn way-physically if need be. They are not your friends. They are not your buddies. They are not childhood acquaintances. And even if they are, have them call you after you get off work! 9) People who ask for your advice, help, or directions and then proceed to correct you. I AM NOT THE ONE LOST! If you feel that you know a quicker and better way to get to the place that you have no idea how get to, then by all means use it and leave me the hell alone. I have lost track of how many times people will ask how to get to so and so and then say, "Don't you think this would be a better way?" or my favorite "Are you sure that is the right way?" Listen you ungrateful, sniveling lost person, you DON'T know any way to get there, let alone do you know if the way I am telling you is the best and correct way. 10) People who tell you and the people in the general proximity way too much information, especially when you just met them. Pop Quiz time. You just stepped into Jiffy Lube to get an oil change and you have to go sit in a waiting area that was built for underdeveloped midgets. You are about a centimeter away from tasting what the guy next to you had for lunch. Do you A) Smile politely and nod your head B) Say hello, smile, and then look away C) Proceed to tell the person that you recently got divorced, you hate all men, you have breast cancer, and you hate your mother. If you picked C, please watch your back. I am coming for you. ------------ About the author: My name is Nannette Lipinski and I am pursuing a career in writing in the hopes that I will earn a lot of money, gain international fame, and finally get my parents to stop telling me to get a real job. Seriously. Well, at least about the last part. I am currently in school studying something that hopefully I will never have to pursue. Email: wlipi19921@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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