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June 21, 2005 I haven't written in a while because I keep having this feeling that most of what I write, or wrote, was truly trivial in the grand scheme of things. I spent alot of time growing up these past two months since the fire. I have made decisions that were unselfish (signing phyisical custody of my daughter to her father because she would be better off with him financially), and learned that the right thing doesn't always feel good. I have learned that just because it's fun to have a boyfriend who is a freshman in college, doesn't mean that you will get along with him. Six years is a great difference in age. I learned that being with someone in your own age group is better for both myself and my children. But the greatest lesson I have learned over the past sixty days is this: no matter what anyone says about me, I can do it by myself. I have gotten a job, I have gotten an apartment, I pay my own rent and my own bills. And while I admit I do need help financially sometimes, and that I am lucky to have my father, my cousin, Sunday, and my boyfriend, Jason, to help me out. I've learned how to cook, and I've learned how to clean. All the things I swore up and down I couldn't do came quite naturally when I was thrown into it. Most of my friends enjoy hanging around me now, glad to see that my selfish phase passed by with little to no damage. People have begun to rely on me as someone they can laugh with, get help from, love, and depend on. My relationships with my children's fathers have improved, based mostly on the facts that, one, I will not put up with their childish behavior anymore, and two, I have begun to stand up for myself and my children, which in turn, helped them learn to respect me. The Department of Social Services has decided to close their case against me, finding no neglect on behalf on my son and daughter, which has put me over the moon. My son has been accepted into preschool, based both on his cuteness, and the fact that his great grandmother works there. Life continues on, and it's hard. I still fight with my mother, and I still have bad days in my relationship, although, the good days make the bad ones worth it. I hate waking up early in the morning, and I hate going to bed so early at night. Responsibility scares me, but it's necessary, and according to everyone in my world, I am doing just fine. My only true concern comes from the fact that I am unable to write like I used to. I can't just sit down and write and article or a poem, and I can forget banging out a novel. I don't know where the passion for writing went, but I fear it may not come back. The world spins around, and I continue to be on it. Scary as it may be, I continue to be on it. ------------ About the author L.J. Chapman: I am a mother of two kids. I run a freelance business online, called LJC Freelance Inc. I'm trying to get a novel written, but I am a mother of two. Email: sublime_girl441980@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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