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July 31, 2005 That’s right, it is – but hear me out before blowing a gasket. I am for teenage abstinence. I don’t really think there is any good to come from a fifteen year old with such a liberal viewpoint of sex that she’s now up to carving three digits on the bedpost. At that age, you sure don’t know much about yourself and – fortunately or unfortunately – haven’t realized the selfishness of another person to misuse your open nature. That takes time and maturity. So of course abstinence is a great message but not in the context of avoiding pregnancy and STD’s. That’s bound to get a “Duh!” from your kid. Umm…Cindy, abstinence is the only foolproof way of avoiding pregnancy, HIV and other STD’s. “DUH!” Honestly, if your kid is that clueless then you haven’t done a good parenting job in this particular area – trust me on that one. Similarly, you wouldn’t be talking to your kids about drinking and driving if you weren’t including both “drinking” and “driving” in the conversation, now would you? I mean, when teaching your teenager that the way to avoid a DWI, a catastrophic accident, a future riddled with guilt, manslaughter charges, etc., we teach them that if they’re drinking then they should not be driving. See! You must use drinking and driving in the sentence. Otherwise, what you have is…don’t drink, which doesn’t provide a solution in case they do drink. Solutions like: call us and we’ll pick you up, here’s emergency cash for a cab. Does anyone really want to believe their fourteen year old daughter is having sex? No, absolutely not. And unless you’ve done such an unforgivable disservice to her in terms of providing necessary information about her body, she already knows that not having sex eliminates the entire abstinence option conversation regarding STD’s and pregnancy. The abstinence message is a terrific one – but on its own, as its own topic. Abstaining from sex and alcohol until you’re older is a good thing because of the psychological ramifications involved. Because at the wrong time, it can wreck havoc on a kid’s life – causing depression and a host of other problems when they realize they’ve been used by peers invoking hard pressure on them to submit to things they were no where near ready to participate in. But using abstinence as a message against pregnancy, HIV and other STD’s will never work any more than pushing alcohol abstinence as a message against drinking and driving. It is a scare tactic that kids see through pretty quickly. I mean, if they were willing to just abstain, you wouldn’t need to talk to them at all, would you? The purpose is to safeguard our kids from the perils involved with activities if they do participate in them, despite our objections. Regarding sex, don’t leave your kid hanging out there – without the condom message. Millions of parents visit the graves of their children wishing they could go back in time and have the chance to affect the outcome – and give their kids the tools they need to be safe and healthy, even when making choices they don’t support. You think those parents would be more grateful to know they drilled the abstinence message in their kids now? Our children are autonomous human beings – and they may be just as pigheaded as we were to our parents. Remember that far back, when you rolled your eyes continuously? Our job is NOT to make decisions for our kids (not that it would work anyway). Our job is to build a strong foundation and give them wings. The rest is a lot of crossed fingers and prayers. ------------ About the author: Jane Hill is a prolific writer and researcher and is working on a children's book, Nonje in Crampons. More importantly, please visit www.one.org and register your voice. Email: janecassohill@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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