Learning To Be A Grandma

Articles

Learning To Be A Grandma

By Beverly Stern
July 30, 2005

I waited for years to become a grandmother. My sons are in their thirties and ditto for their wives. Finally last August I became a grandma to a precious baby boy named Cody. This past year has not been smooth sailing for this grandmother. I had to learn how to be a grandma which is quite different than learning to be a mother. This grandmother is also a mother-in-law and having the dual roles was quite a challenge.

My most difficult challenge was learning to deal with my grandson as just a grandmother. In others words, I was supposed to "seen but not heard" as my daughter-in-law soon taught me. When I saw Cody being taken care of as his parents saw fit, it didn't sit well with me so I opened my big mouth on more than one occasion. My son, who was obviously caught in the middle of this ugly triangle, became estranged. My daughter-in-law put me in my place and even my own husband began accumulating articles for me on grandmothers who meddle. It wasn't until I saw a Dr. Phil show on annoying mothers-in-law, that I realized how bad I was.

Fortunately for my son and daughter-in-law, I live 5 hours away from my grandson. Sad for me that I don't get to see Cody very often. I want him desperately to know who his grandparents are. I want to teach him so many things and take him so many places. However, I got on a shaky road in my new role and had to straighten it all out if I indeed wanted to have him in my life. Sending him toys and clothes did not really do the trick in correcting my mother-in-law status. I had to visit him and keep my mouth shut.

Cody will be a year old in a few weeks. He's at the age where he is leery of strangers and unfortunately my husband and I fall into that category. When we visited him last week, we got some "alone" time with him and before we left, he stretched out his arms to welcome us in. We took many pictures of him that I now look at several times a day. I picture myself holding and cuddling him. It helps me cope with the separation. Yes, I still shop for him regularly and send care packages to his home.

I will buy a crib, stroller and high chair for him just in case someday I can be trusted to watch him for a few days while his parents vacation. I long for that time, believe me. Frankly, I didn't know how is would feel to be a grandma until last week. I think I'm doing better in keeping my mouth shut and not giving "suggestions" on his care as much. However, I didn't keep my mouth shut when it came to telling this little person how much I love him and how absolutely beautiful he is. This grandma thing is not easy to learn, but I think I'm getting the hang of it!

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About the author: Beverly has a B.S. in Behavioral and Social Sciences and a M.S. in Clinical Counseling. She works for the U.S. Department of Education. Beverly is also working on some creative endeavors.

Email: bstern101@yahoo.com

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