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July 30, 2005 By now it is evident that Joran Van der Sloot is not going to confess to anything. Professional investigators will tell you that if you don't get to the main suspect of a murder mystery in the first 24 hours, you have little chance of extracting a confession from them after that. It has been two MONTHS now and the Dutch boy has turned into Marcel Marceau. To paraphrase his dad, Joran has steadfastly taken to heart the concept of, "No confession, No CONVICTION!" And, it is working beautifully. By September, unless Natalee Holloway suddenly surfaces preserved or alive, the young Van der Sloot will be back in his favorite casino throwing the dice and hustling the ladies.... So, is there any way you can get him to talk? Well, yes, if you don't mind being a tad illegal about it. Because if you play by the Van der Sloot rules, you will never get justice in this case. They are too shrewd for the Aruban investigation team and too long gone for the FBI to pin anything on them. For all intents and purposes, this case is over. Even evidence found in a muddy drainage area or a body uncovered in a landfill will not convict anyone of murder according to the pathologists. It will take a confession PLUS evidence that one of the boys can bring to incriminate themselves. How can that possibly happen? Sit down boys and girls and let me tell you how.... Kidnap Paulus Van der Sloot. That will get the son's attention! I can hear all the legal beagles screaming right now, "Vigilante justice! You are irresponsible. You are no better than what they have done to Natalee Holloway! You are breaking the law. This is NOT justice!" Okay, let's compromise here. I will agree not to hurt Papa Weasel. But, don't tell his son that. Make the kid BELIEVE that the same fate that befell Natalee is going to occur with Paulee. For added drama, we can send some of those fake fingers from Wendy's chili to let the kid know his dad is in serious jeopardy. He'll sing like a bird. After he gives us his confession and some evidence to seal the deal, we release Daddy back to the son just long enough to arrest him for conspiracy to cover up a murder. The Dutchies don't want to play fair? We don't play fair back. Like Sean Connery said in, "The Untouchables,"..."If they pull a knife, we pull a GUN!, it's the Chicago way!" Still you will hear the cries, "Not fair!" The murder of a young girl with a promising future is not fair. The way her family and friends have suffered is not fair. The ridiculous excuse and the constant lies of Joran Van der Sloot who is incapable of taking responsibility is not fair. The way his father has protected him and been protected by the authorities is not fair. The fact that this case may never come to a just conviction or resolution is not fair. I just want to level the playing field, that's all.... I don't want to do to Paulus Van der Sloot what one of those boys did to Natalee Holloway, but, I DO want to loosen those smug lips of baby weasel. So, as they say, "All is fair in love and war and...Aruba." If this country has trouble convicting a jaywalker and if they have botched the case so badly that even our top Federal investigators can no longer save it, I say we rent a Hummer and make the snatch. I bet by the second finger coming in that ketchup stained envelope, Joran will talk. too. It would be our way of telling him and the authorities that we in America do not like it when our citizens go murdered and it is taken lightly. Let's see...the second finger from the thumb would be the MIDDLE finger, right? How appropriate... Because by now, that is what many of us think about the lying brat and the investigation that is letting him get away with murder. ------------ About the author: Pat Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California. Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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