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July 29, 2005 I just wanted to say some things about and to a Mr. Terry Bollea aka Hulk Hogan. You’re a joke, Hulk Hogan. You’re a joke as a wrestler, you’re a joke as a father, you’re a joke as a human being. I understand, Hulk Hogan, that you have made the so-called "sport" of professional wrestling popular, BUT you didn’t perfect it, my friend. Trust me, if Vince McMahon was smart he would have turned a deaf ear to you and gave the spot to Randy Poffo, you know the Macho Man Randy Savage? The guy that could actually wrestle, hold a character, and be a big star. I know Vince gave Randy his taste of being THE top guy in the WWE, but how long did it take before you threw your hissy fit and wanted the belt back around your waist? One year, that’s how long. How long did you give The Ultimate Warrior his shot? Not EVEN one year, but it was close. While the Warrior was crap, Macho could have and was ten times better than you when he held that belt. Remember something Hulk, I didn’t start watching wrestling until the summer of 1988, and who was champion at the time? Macho Man, not Hulk Hogan. I read your articles in Sly Magazine. "Compared to the success that Brad Pitt or Arnold Schwarzenegger have had, people probably thought I had a run of B movies that sucked. But those movies were cheap to make and they generated a lot of revenue. If you watch what my movies made against what The Rock's movies are doing now, taking into account changing ticket prices and how many more theaters his movies were shown in, I still generated more revenue than he did." I am not a fan of the Rock, but I will say this. Either you’re in denial or you’re rationalizing your failures to the Rock’s success. The bottom line is the Rock is now a major star in Hollywood, a territory that you claimed to "own" as the wrestler who can act. The truth is, your acting is as bad as Arnold Schwarzenegger being Mr. Freeze. Let’s see the big hits in your career. "Santa with Muscles?" "Shadow Warriors 2?" What movies were these? What about the Rock’s movies? Oh yeah, there’s "Be Cool" with John Travolta and "Walking Tall," "The Scorpion King," "The Rundown" with one of my all time favorite actors, Christopher Walken, and let’s not forget the movie that I’m hoping to see, "Doom." I may not like "the Rock," but as far as Dwayne Johnson’s movies and your movies, I’m sorry but I know what Walking Tall is, Santa with Muscles almost sounds like a porno. As far as I’m concerned, Hulk Hogan, you were in B-movies and they sucked so bad that I didn’t even know you made them. I have no clue why they call you Hollywood, because if anyone deserves the name Hollywood in the world of professional wrestling is the Rock and Vince realized that, that is why you had your @$$ whipped by the Rock himself. You even take a shot on Steve Williams, or as he is known as Stone Cold Steve Austin. "Austin has been in the business about 18 years and he was on top for four. I wrestled main events for 25 years. I could pull my dick out and I might be on top for four years - it's called 'cheap heat.' Somebody who stays on top 25 years has to have more than that. It has to be in your spirit." Hogan, personally, I don’t want to see your penis...EVER! I’m sure when you compared your penis to Steve Austin, I think you were confused. I think when your wife said, "honey, you remind me of Steve Austin," she wasn’t saying your penis gave her the stunner, she was saying that your penis is so limp that it was STONE COLD! The fact of the matter still remains is it took you 25 years to pull off what Steve Austin did in 4 years. Sure, Hogan, you could pull out your penis, but Austin will just whip out something else, his middle finger and probably tell you where to go and how to get there. Let’s not forget, Hogan, Steve Austin alone has sold more merchandise, made more money, and sold out more pay-per-views for the WWE than YOU did. Austin was 6 time WWE champion, you were 6 time WWE champion. You may be the Richard Petty of the WWE, but Austin is the Dale Earnhardt of the WWE. Translation, whatever you did, he did, and made it better. You want a dose of reality, Hulk Hogan? You’re a has-been. You just couldn’t let the new guys have their time in the spotlight, the torch couldn’t be passed if you were still in the WWE, would it? There would be no Austin, no Rock, no HHH, just Hulk Hogan. I used to look up to you, but now you’re just an OLD MAN who thinks that he still has a prime. Your prime was over a long time ago, old man. You’re an attention whore. If you’re not ruining the world of wrestling, you’re ruining the world of great television by bestowing your family. Hogan, how is your show doing by the way? I hear the ratings are dropping faster than your outdated leg drop. Summerslam is coming up really soon, old man. Personally, I know that wrestling if fake, but I hope Vince and Shawn screw you worse than Bret Hart. I hope Shawn super-kicks you so hard it will knock the rest of that horseshoe you call hair right off your head. I hope the fans boo you out of the building and out of professional wrestling for good. I hope you realize, Hulk Hogan, that professional wrestling will and has moved on without you. Finally, I hope you also realize, Hulk Hogan, that professional wrestling doesn’t NEED you hanging around anymore. I hope you realize that while I may just be another guy behind a computer typing out words that may make me a "badass," I'm not. I'm just a fan who is sick and tired of people like you besmirching other wrestlers who just so happen to out do you at what you're famous for. People like you who never give the young guys a break, because deep down inside you know they can whip your @$$ when it comes to outselling YOU in the WWE. Shawn Michaels has already proven that. Chris Jericho has already proven that. The Rock has already proven that. Bret Hart has already proven that. The Hardy's, Dudley's and Edge and Christian in their TLC matches have proven that. HHH has already proven that. The Undertaker has already proven that. Kurt Angle has already proven that. Last, but not least, Stone Cold Steve Austin has certainly proven that. Go to hell, Hulk Hogan! ------------ About the author Eric Schomburg: Useless-Knowledge Columnist of the year 2004. An Apocalyptic Dream is now out for purchase. Check out both books at http://www.geocities.com/schomburg2002. Email: schomburg2002@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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