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July 27, 2005 
HOLLYWOOD, CA - For years Paris Hilton, the heiress of Hilton hotels, has always thought that her “feces” never stunk, but Useless Knowledge has breaking news that in fact her feces DOES stink. “I swear I really did thought that my poop didn’t stink, but after eating that bad salad and a bottled water, I was for sure I couldn’t poop at all. Besides, all that comes out anyway is water, because I don’t eat any solid foods. I have to stay in a size minus 3.” says Paris. Despite that Paris has no talent, no skills, and doesn’t even have any history of working due to her selfish, spoiled state, she is however, famous. Famous for what? No one knows, except maybe being a whore. Paris has been testing her “feces don’t stink” theory by going to Hollywood dance parties, dancing naked on tables, giving oral sex in a public place, stealing her own porno, and somehow getting away with it. Paris has also made the statement, “I want to get married in a castle, because I’m the closest thing to American royalty anyway,” despite that America is a capitalist society and not a monarchy. “I always wanted to be a princess, and I am a princess. I have all my friends and they are like palms [she meant pawns] or something. Sir Nick Carter! Whoooo!” says Paris. Paris also showed off her new clothing line called, “the how to clean tag,” due to the fact that Paris doesn’t wear anything less than the size of a cleaning tag. The sizes come in small, extra small, and anorexic. Paris has a shirt that reads, “I’m Hot” on the front and “Your Not” on the back. Despite that she clearly made a grammatical error in "your" and not "you're" she defended her attire. “Yeah, that shirt is like super hot, because that’s who I am. I'm not worried about grams [she meant grammar, I think], because I never gain a pound. I’m just so hot. No seriously, I am hot, because I’m on my...um, what’s it called?....a question mark or something [she meant period], so I’m like really hot. CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME CHOCOLATE AND A TAMPON?!” says Paris. It wasn’t until late last night that Paris Hilton finally discovered that her feces did stink. “Okay, so Tera [Reid] and I were at this party and we were drinking a lot, and I kept getting this feeling in my stomach. I thought I had been run over by a horse again, but my stomach was cramping. I never use a public restroom, but I had no choice. I went to the bathroom, did my business, and got a whiff of this smell, and it was coming from my poop. It stunk! I couldn’t believe it! I mean, I always thought that it would never stink.” Witnesses were on hand when the unbelievable news broke that Paris Hilton's feces actually did stink. Tinkerbell the dog said, “I always knew it stunk, because you can’t tell me that girl is hot. Come on, she looks like she was starved in a concentration camp, that’s not hot. I knew I should have kept my job at Taco Bell.” We at Useless Knowledge are just as shocked as anyone else about this turn of events. Paris Hilton’s s**t actually stinks, and just like her career, it stinks really bad. ==The story depicted above is written as a satire or parody, it is fictitious. So lighten up!== P.S. Thanks, Tim, for your support. ------------ Email Franklin D. Hayes: franklindhayes@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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