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July 23, 2005 The latest news about the terrorist attacks in London give me more reason to believe terrorists are crazy. I can say this with good authority...I'm still healing up from having my insides rearranged via colon resection surgery. Okay, the way they go about it is a little extreme. All that just to have a room full of virgins? Yeah, I can see that. Let's look at the problem with that. These are virgins in Heaven. They died without putting out. Who does your average Ahab the Arab think he is to think he is going to get lucky when these gals(and I'll get into that later, too)didn't put out in life? Hey, Ali Baba! Get real. Here you are all blown up and your intestines hanging around your neck and your face someplace else and you think there's a chance these virgins are gonna want you? Yeah! Some virgins are guys. I know some of you terrorist dudes are pretty hard up(sorry for the pun)and you're probably gay, but not all virgins are women. Duh! Some virgins aren't sweet little nubile things. Actually, they might be a little too young. Yes, there aren't laws against statutory rape in Heaven. I wouldn't think there would be anyway, however think about it; some of these virgins might not be more then little girls. Not every female lives to adulthood. Some aren't likely to be spring chickens either. There's a lot of old gals kicking off and ain't give out. Think Catholic school nuns. Think Mother Theresea. This brings up another thought. Not all virgins are Islamic. Hmmm! Probably not someone you want to meet the parents. You strap on your best Sunday go to meeting suicide belt and bam here's a room full of nuns. Some of these babes you probably brought with you. You are in a crowd with some very nice women in the mix and bang here they are standing blown to bits with you in the middle. Not a very good way to be popular. Nope. Finally, what kind of loser has to die to meet chicks? Not me. Hey, if I believed in a religion where I had to kill myself to get into Heaven I'd change religions. Not my idea of a good time. Like I said, I've had my insides turned out. Ain't a lot of fun, bucko. Hey, why don't you guys start a support group? Get together for cake and coffee. Talk a little and then blow each other up. Sounds good...start without me, okay? Semper Fi! ------------ About the author: Lee Zelhart is a proud graduate of McKendree College and the author of The Ghost of the Cavalier. He is the father of two children, one of which tells him he will be a grandpa next September. Both first issues are greatly anticipated and more details to be released later. Email: graphicsdoctor1@sbcglobal.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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