HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
July 20, 2005 A rule of thumb, if you can’t spell it, you shouldn’t eat it or even possess it. Can you spell triglycerides? Me neither, so I shouldn’t have them right? That green pasty looking stuff sitting next to your enchiladas don’t eat it. Whoever heard of a word that sounds like you have a mouth full of it when you’re trying to pronounce it? Guawk a moleeeee. I have a theory how this pasty green stuff got its name. A guy named Lee owned a restaurant and he mashed up this green thing and fed it to a friend and asked his friend how it tasted. The friend tried to say “Gosh I don’t know Lee.” However, it came out Gaucamole. Just a theory so don’t take my word for it. Some things I like so I learn how to spell the ingredients. I like Diet Coke so I’ve learned how to spell aspartame. I have learned how to spell the stuff beneath banana peels. That’s easy, y-e-l-l -o-w-i-s-h white stuff. I can also spell the stuff inside a watermelon rind, red s-l-u-s-h-y stuff with b-l-a-c-k seeds. You see. It’s easy. Well, it’s not quite that easy. Now, I have a doctor, who prescribes a bunch of medications for me. Being a poor wayfaring man that I am, I ask the dear doctor to please prescribe generic brands for me. This is a dilemma. I can’t spell the damn things and I can’t pronounce them, but if I don’t take them I’ll keel over with some kind of disease. That really messes with my rule of thumb. I know the doctor doesn’t want me to spell the stuff inside of cigarettes, but I already know, t-o-b-a-c-c-o. I hate knowing how to spell that word.
I have some other problems too. For example, I love potato chips, but I have to give them up. I can’t spell all that hydrogenated stuff. What a mess it is. If only I could spell the stuff inside Hostess Twinkies.
|
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
