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July 19, 2005 If you go to the Humenik Funeral Chapel in Ohio you will see a bed and two end tables where the casket would normally be located. Owner, Joe Humenik, said the bed has become popular among families who choose cremation and don't want to rent an expensive casket. Using the reposing bed saves them a cool $500. The bedroom-like setting offers a less intimidating atmosphere for viewing a body. After all, we would prefer to view the dearly departed as a reposing soul, and not as a corpse that will soon be eaten by maggots. I like the concept and I think it can be easily expanded on, every body should be displayed in a setting that is normal and natural for that individual. When stud-boy Colin Farrell dies, he can be propped in a bed with a blow-up doll on each side of his body. When your favorite grandpa passes away, he can be exhibited in a Lazyboy recliner with a remote control stapled to his right hand. When Oprah Winfrey expires, her hefty carcass can be dropped inside a refrigerator, with a leg of lamb sticking out of her mouth. When Jerry Falwell goes on to his rewards, his rotting flesh can be presented in a business suit with an offering plate affixed to each grubby hand. When NASCAR legend, Richard Petty, bites the dust, his cadaver can be placed in the driver's seat of his favorite racing car. When Howard Dean kicks the bucket, his remains can be propped standing before a podium, with a soundtrack blaring primal screams. When rap diva Lil' Kim croaks, her body can be placed on a Queen-size bed, with a bottle of syphilis-killing penicillin pills nailed to her hand. When my body gives up the ghost, I want my corpse to be displayed sitting down in front of a computer, as if I were still writing essays for submission to Useless Knowledge Magazine. ------------ About the author: Robert Paul Reyes is a columnist for the Lynchburg Ledger. Email: rreyes4966@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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