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July 19, 2005 I can’t quit thinking about Thomas Keyes’ article, “I Hate Television, Movies and Radio.” His intentional avoidance of the most accessible of the mass media over these many decades is amazing to consider and admirable in fact. And this after the man has amazed me so many other times with his detailed and researched writings. I wonder what this guy could be like in person; if I’d even sense him should we accidentally meet. Then it occurred to me - that could never happen. I could never meet Thomas Keyes because I don’t believe he exists. This globetrotting engineer cum Philosopher King almost surely is the invention of a budding Grisham, Doyle, or my favorite, George McDonald Fraser. And I applaud this author’s creation, and encourage him further. What a refreshing character - worldly, studied, serene, and even, yes, innocent. I would not have understood how innocent ten years ago, the Mass Media had a firm grip on my attentions at that time. In the last five years however, I have weaned myself from 90% of its onslaught and can now conceptualize how different the Thomas Keyes character could think if the last 40 years of Mass Media were erased from my memory. Unlike my new Thomas Keyes Action figure (available in stores soon!) (oops, Thomas, action figures are dolls resembling popular movie/TV heroes), I will turn the TV on three or four times each week. I still feel the tug of loyalty for a few sports teams – don’t ask me why – and will watch a game or two. Otherwise, it’s only the random documentary or some spontaneous lunge for the bizarre, like Howard Stern or Cheaters. It really sounds pathetic, doesn’t it? That’s why I bought my new Action figure; hopefully he’ll inspire me to quit TV completely. Movies may be a little harder – but only because that isn’t my decision, the missus likes them. And I do try to bond with my boy at the bijou on occasion. Otherwise, movies would be the easiest to eliminate. I think only about 1 in 30 is worth seeing. Admittedly, someone under thirty might find more of value since they probably missed the first two of the three previous iterations of every movie released (if not by title, by plot) and aren’t bored by the repetitive themes. Even that rare original movie released still suffers from Hollywood’s slimy touch – last year’s example was “Sideways,” a wonderful movie irreparably tainted by gratuitous, graphic ugliness. Radio is all but useless; it's just TV lite. It reeks from the same stench of Advertising that perverts TV into the “idiot box” it is. I listened to the talk shows for a while, and still do now, once or twice a week. I soon realized that my favorite Conservative talk show hosts pandered to the same Ratings Monster with their choice of topics and positioning. If a Liberal pol/columnist spews some stupid garbage to create publicity, the Conservative host joins in, of course in opposition, to grab the same ratings. I don’t understand why – if you thought it was garbage, ignore it. OK, occasionally, the garbage can’t be ignored – but not day, after day, after day. It’s all about creating the perception of hostilities to grab our attentions and pump the advertising into our brain. Fortunately, my Thomas Keyes Decoder Ring (mail order only – with two Proof-of-Purchase seals) will still allow me the pleasure of reading. Unfortunately, as a parent, I haven’t much time for more than the local paper and a random airplane novel. Does anyone recall whether Secret Agent Thomas Keyes has children? I don’t recall their mention and assume the author intends him to have James Bond’s aptitude, success, and ova-repelling spermatozoa. My Action figure did not come with a child carrier. I swear I’d read more books if it weren’t for these kids. No, I’ll probably never attain the mysterious, exotic, and learned lifestyle of Thomas Keyes. As it is, I barely know half of one language, let alone several. But reading of his adventures from stops around the world is certainly a worthwhile substitute for those experiences and I eagerly await the next installment in the series. I only have one request of the author – could you spice up Thomas’ sex life? Without TV and Movies, my imagination grows cold at times and could use a little invigoration. Again, I refer you to my hero, Mr. Fraser, and his indomitable character, Flashman. The Thomas Keyes persona need not be quite as ribald, but a string of beautiful, panting female foils (sorry, Thomas, they can’t all be Aishwarya Rai) in each port of call will look great in the screenplay!! Who needs Harry Potter? ------------ About the author: Ron Lewis is a software salesman extraordinaire, albeit habitually unemployed, with no significant accomplishments at age 47 other than two wonderfully talented children who take after their mother. All his friends note his keen insight, bad eyesight, doggedly jaded disposition, and rugged bad looks. A third person seems to recall that he talks too much. Email: grnacres@direcway.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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