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July 9, 2005 Let’s face it, we love comedy, we love satire, we love to laugh, and we love to make others laugh. However, what counts as funny? What counts as humor? No one really knows, but somehow when someone does make you laugh you’ll remember it. TheSpoof.com is a satire website that I found while reading one column on U-K, and I thought "what the hell I’ll give it a shot." Let me go on the record by saying that the Spoof sucks. The columns are not funny at all, and I don’t blame the writers, I blame the executives over the Spoof for their arrogant attitudes, especially this helium person who acts like a desperate British hag who finds life revolting, talk about irony, an arrogant old hag running a satire website. My first column was used for their website, but not without getting HEAVY editing. One thing I hate about freelance websites is the "executives" running the website ARE NOT FREELANCE! In other words, they don’t let you write what YOU want to write. I find it odd that they have these "rules" and "regulations" and yet the Spoof executives break almost every rule. For example, you’re not supposed to cuss, yet I read an article where the title was: Walgreen’s Announces new Dumb-@$$ checkout line. If you don’t believe me, here’s the link http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s8i8572 Writers are also not supposed to use any sexual explicit material, yet I have seen a picture of human buttocks getting spanked, I saw an ad for Leprechaun Porn (yes, it’s a working website with porno material), and an old woman in lingerie. Wow, these rules only apply to the British I guess. My first column was about the Super Mario Brothers going to rehab, which I thought was funny, and a lot of other people thought it was funny as well, because it got 4 out of 5 stars on how funny it was. Getting 4 out of 5 stars on the Spoof is actually an accomplishment, because if you read any other stories from Spoof you will notice that the highest story is 3 out of 5 stars. I’m not saying I’m the only one that has ever had 4 out of 5 stars, but by this being my first story it’s saying something. Not bad for a multi-published author huh? However, my story seemed to not go well with the "executives" of the Spoof. Apparently, the word friggin in dialogue was too much "cussing" for them. Too much cussing? When did "friggin" become a cussword. I understand that it is a British run website, but friggin? Maybe if I said bloody, wanker, or any other English slang it would have been REALLY funny. I received an email with this "wanker" helium telling me to take out friggin, and then proceeded to lecture me that if I wanted to use cussing that was fine, but not on the Spoof. Well, excuse me, but the Spoof sucks. I’m sorry I don’t find old jokes about George W. Bush being stupid, funny. Why? Because it’s been done numerous time before. Ha Ha George W. Bush is dumb, HAHAHA!!! Never heard that before. My second column got rave reviews, because it was actually F.U.N.N.Y. It was a column about how Porn Star Jenna Jameson and Serial Killer Jason Voorhees got married in Las Vegas. My second column had more reaction from the readers scoring 210 views (which is a lot considering it’s the Spoof), in one day. My second column got 4 out of 5 stars. Not bad for a rookie. Thinking that I was on a roll, I wrote another column in which, in my opinion, was THE funniest column I wrote especially if you’re a wrestling fan. The title of the column was, "WWE’s Lita Admits She is a Succubus." The title alone makes you laugh, especially if you know what a succubus is and the history behind the character Lita. I had a picture of Lita with red eyes and a fiery background that gave "flavor" to the column. To me the column was clean and funny. There were sexual innuendos, but you would have to have a sick sense of humor to get it. The Spoof didn’t like it, and despite that it already had 5 out of 5 stars and 30 views, they canned the story. I received an email from helium saying, "please don’t re-submit that story." That’s okay, because I don’t plan on submitting nor resubmitting ANY story. In fact, I boycott the website. I’m not going to convince anyone to go there, because quite frankly you either go or you don’t, but take heave about writing for them. If you think you’ll write whatever you want, like Useless-Knowledge does, you won’t get it. If you think the satire on display is funny, it’s not, because of the heavy editing. Let me be frank about the "executives", especially helium; they wouldn’t know a good joke if it came up and slapped them. I should have known they would have that British "dry" sense of humor. I’m sorry, I wanted to bring something fresh and original, not, "George W. Bush is stupid again" jokes. Satire is supposed to be funny, and so outrageous that it’s not real. Why do you think I wrote about the Mario Brothers going to Rehab? It’s funny. Jason Voorhees and Jenna Jameson getting married? Sounds funny to me. And why the hell not, WWE’s Lita is really a Succubus. So, what is really Helium and the Spoof’s problem with my latest column? They are afraid. They are afraid because the column was edgy enough to be funny, and instead of taking a chance for it being another 4 star column, which it would have been, they decided to pull it like the pansies they are. It’s odd how they set rules and regulations on satire, yet satire only has one rule, THERE ARE NO RULES! If you can’t take it for being funny then you shouldn’t read it. So, this is for the Spoof and Helium. You can go Spoof yourselves, because the Spoof sucks! Personally, I think that Useless-Knowledge should have their own Satire section, you can call it, "Useless-Satire." You want to be funny? You can. You can post pictures of ridiculous things and people. Just as long as it’s a parody, you can’t get sued over it. I encourage anyone who wants to write freelance satire and actually explore your imagination and actually be funny to contact the editor and encourage him to post a satire section to Useless-Knowledge, because with all the war columns, election columns, and everything else that brings uneasiness to Useless-Knowledge, we should be able to laugh a little without someone hovering over us and editing what we think is humor. Let’s laugh a little, let’s have Useless-Satire! ------------ About the author Eric Schomburg: Useless-Knowledge Columnist of the year 2004. An Apocalyptic Dream is now out for purchase. Check out both books at http://www.geocities.com/schomburg2002. Email: schomburg2002@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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