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Jan. 27, 2005 I am going to write about a personal pain today. If you don't want to read this please go to the next article. If you do, it might come off as me whinning so be warned. I have not seen my paternal grand-mother since I was ten years old. I also have not seen nor heard from my dad's brothers or sister since then; correction, I do hear from one uncle but that is about a couple times a year. I have not seen my maternal grand-mother or my mom's brother or sister since I was seventeen years old, before I got pregnant with my son. I talk to my maternal grandmother on the phone when ever I get a chance to call. This hurts me deeply not being apart of the family I belong. Why have I not seen these people? I guess it was the distance. My father being a military man got stationed at Fort Richardson, Alaska when I was six years old. It was the last time I saw any extended family on my dad's side. It was four years later when I was ten that we visited, because Dad got stationed at Fort Devens, Massachusetts. My extended family lives in a litte town outside of Poughkeepsie, NY, so the distance was only a day trip. Dad, Mom, my sister and I moved back to Alaska when I was ten. Dad got out of the military and we lived very quietly. There was always an open invitation for the family to come to our home in Alaska. But there was no money for our small family of four to fly down to New York to visit. Nobody came up and Dad did not take my sister and I back. Oh, he and Mom flew back for weddings and funerals but us kids were stuck in Alaska. As for my mom's side of the family. Dad recieved a settlement from the government when he finally got diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and was declared 100% disabled, because he just could not handle the stress of work. He bought a trip to Califonia, for my mother, sister and me. We went but Dad stayed behind, (he did not want to deal with mom's family.) There was an open invitation for my mom's side of the faimly to come up to visit us in Alaska, but once again nobody visited. I got pregnant with my son six months after that trip, and being a poor single mother I didn't have the money to go visiting family. Now, I am old enough and have a little bit of saving to go visit strangers, correction my extended family. I want to but... I don't know if I should go. It's not like I am a prodical child lost to the vices of the world. I'm just a grandchild, a niece, and a nobody to these people. I finally had a little bit of money this year and sent card out to all the address' of people I could find on the internet. Nobody sent cards back. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I go to try to reconnect or should I cleave onto my husband's family who are really close? I feel the lack of extended family has hurt me socially. Why? Because I am having a hard time relating to my husbands close nit family. I want to be apart of the family but I have no clue how to relate. I'm a shy person to start out with, and have panic attacks when ever my husband mentions he wants to visit his family. Well, maybe not panic attacks but my pulse starts beating in my ears and my mouth goes very dry. A couple of times I offer to stay home and not see his family, but he always insists that if I don't go he won't. I don't want to get in the way of his relationship with his family so I go and try to have a pleasent time. Is the extended family important? Yes. But I am repeating the same pattern as my mother and father, my son has not seen his grandfather, my father, in three years. I have to figure out how to make it back to Alaska to see him, because when I invited him to Washington after he visited Ontario, Canada, he refused to come. So, this article is long and I will end my whinning. I want to be apart of my extended family, but how? ------------ About the author: Being a full time writer is the hardest job that I have tried. I have written two books that are currently not published because the company that did publish them went out of business. I have written three childrens books and am currently in the process of finishing my third novel. Please write me with any thought that comes to mind about my columns or anything else, opinions are appreciated. Email Amanda Baker: amaycatbaker@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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